Remembering Lawrence King

[filkertom]

huskiebear just told me about something I hadn't heard about, or if I did it didn't register. Something she saw on Ellen.

Something horrible.

It's about a fifteen-year-old kid in Oxnard, CA named Lawrence King. Friends called him Larry. He was openly gay, and it's been reported that he sometimes "dressed in a feminine manner". It seems as if, in anticipation of Valentine's day, he told another male student, Brandon McInerney, that he had a crush on him.

Four days later, McInerney shot Larry in the head.

There are, of course, tributes and presidential candidate statements and religious controversy (read the comments section of that last one -- it's absolutely fascinating, and more than a little revealing about the conflict within the Catholic community). But one thing I noticed which hit me a little hard... something which already influenced me awhile back, and which steered the lyrics of one of my songs.

Lots of people are talking about "tolerance".

And RIGHT FUCKIN' THERE is the problem.

I can't remember where I saw this, it's not an original thought with me, but... you tolerate something which is wrong. The word "tolerance" itself implies the wrongness.

And, goddammit, it is not wrong to be gay.

It is not wrong to have a crush on somebody.

It is beyond wrong, certainly inclusive of wrong but also way the hell beyond, to commit violence on someone for having a crush on you. Or just being gay. Or "dressing in a feminine manner".

Again and again and again we go over this, a zillion times and more, played out like consecutive train wrecks. Unless you are their partner, someone else's sexual choices do not affect you in any way. (If you feel compelled to say What if it's a stalker or a rapist or a child molester? I'll metaphorically smack you upside the head. Those are crimes of violence and power and control and terror.) If someone tells you they have a crush on you, and you don't return it, you say, "I'm sorry, I don't feel that way." Or, if you're a fourteen-year-old boy, maybe you freak out, or maybe not, or maybe you discover something about yourself, maturity, sexual identity, humor, who knows.

You do not go get a gun and shoot the person in the head.

The word is not "tolerance". It's "acceptance". People are different, and unless their differences directly affect you it's not your problem.

But no. Two lives, two families are destroyed. Because somebody taught Brandon McInerney to hate.

This is the greatest reason to fight for gay/lesbian rights, for acceptance. Because "tolerance" may be better than outright hatred, but it's nowhere near enough. And it's getting too easy for some people to commit violence on others because of differences, real or perceived. People have to be shown that the differences are not that different, or not that important, or not anybody else's business.

Rest in peace, Larry, and condolences to your family and friends. May some good come from your tragic loss.

ETA: fixing up the wording here and there.

ETA 2: Adding a link to a report at Think Progress about the Ellen episode. Goddamn it, I wept.

Comments

[jss]

It's worse than that — McInerney was heard to make threats, these threats were reported to the school administrators (if not also police; I've not seen a trusted source on that) who then proceeded to do absolutely nothing. IMO, if that report is true and accurate, those school administrators (et al.) should be tried as accessories to murder one and suffer the full penalty of the law.

[tomreedtoon.livejournal.com]

Not surprised in the slightest about the school adminstrators. Whether or not I'm stepping on anyone's toes or profession right now, I have little respect for grade or high school teachers. Most of them phone in their work and shuffle off responsibility and responsivity that should be theirs. And those are the good ones. There are some that love dominating children, just short of abuse - and some cross that line without thinking.

And it isn't simply contempt for my ex-girlfriend that fuels this disdain. I saw a lot of her colleagues during the decade I dated her. Aside from one praising the fact that I knew basic grammar and had some general knowledge (a thirty year old knowing how to use nouns and verbs in a sentence is astonishing?) they were all horrid people.

Kids know this. They tend to forget it when they grow to adults. I haven't.

Okay, I'll breathe a bit until the rant goes away.

[pandoradeloeste.livejournal.com]

Our history teacher in grade school used to get off on telling us that she knew how to reduce each and every one of us to tears, but she didn't because she was just that nice. A few years later my brother had her and said she would openly count down the years until she could retire. (By some miracle he came away from her class loving history - I think he's even majoring in it now.) Personally I think she chose the wrong profession - dominatrix might have been a better choice. Or maybe (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOtMizMQ6oM&NR=1) dentist (http://youtube.com/watch?v=iAKYQjpDtpA).

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

I had some really tremendous teachers in grade school -- Mr. Brown, the 2nd grade math teacher, the first black person I actually knew, was prominent, as was Mrs. Black, the sweet white-haired old lady who read to us in the auditorium every day, and Mrs. Staviarski (spelling is probably wrong) in 3rd grade, who nobody liked but by damn her job was teaching proper English, reading and writing and spelling and grammar, and she was great at it.

And then there was my overall 2nd grade teacher, whose name eludes me, who brought her sister to school one day. Flush with pride over my recent IQ test, I introduced myself and said, "I'm smart!" And my teacher pulled me aside later to tell me that I shouldn't tell people I'm smart because they wouldn't like me.

And then there was Mrs. Nowak, the Iron Bitch of 5th grade Science at Dixon Elementary, who once slapped Paul Brown for talking when he shouldn't have been -- slapped him so hard he got a nosebleed. And he cried as she grabbed him and held a wet cloth to his face to stop the bleeding and berated him for the situation.

And then there was George Ford Magnet Middle School in Detroit, where I was beaten up a lot for being a goofy-looking nerd ("Goofy" was my nickname for two and a half years) and even the principal, Dr. Betty Ritzenhein, whom I loved and who thought I was the bee's knees (yeah, that's right, I was Principal's Pet), couldn't do much to help me, and I ended up being saved only when Dr. Rice started up the Chess Club and it turned out I was tied for second-best player in the school.

And then there was the Spanish teacher there, a lovely young woman who was a lousy teacher. Three years of that class, and I have a fine appreciation of Latino-African-American beauty, and I can about count to twenty in Spanish.

And then there was my 10th grade Geometry teacher, who (without the term existing at the time) was absolutely a MILF, a gorgeous petite blonde lady who knew how the hell to look good, and classy, and soft-spoken, and iron-willed when she needed to be because she had a class full of smart-alecks going through puberty who were in no way immune to her appearance, and damn she knew her subject, and knew how to teach it and make it stick in your head, very possibly the best instructor I have ever had. The by-the-book shmuck the next year was such a comedown, I dropped out of his class.

Teachers, being people, are like everyone else. And there's not an easy way to shop around for 'em.

[pandoradeloeste.livejournal.com]

And then there was Mrs. Nowak, the Iron Bitch of 5th grade Science at Dixon Elementary, who once slapped Paul Brown for talking when he shouldn't have been -- slapped him so hard he got a nosebleed.

o_O That can't have been legal - corporal punishment wasn't outlawed that long ago, was it?

(Sick, smart way to make sure the kid doesn't tell anyone that his teacher hit him - shame them into silence by saying a) it's all their fault somehow, or b) quit whining, you big baby, I didn't hit you that hard. I saw our music teacher slap a kid and use option B.)

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

That's basically what Nowak did. She did it in the middle of class. She was a real case -- nobody liked her, and I, the science nerd of the school, didn't want to be anywhere near her classroom.

Teachers

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

My mother and my older sister (both retired) had been high school teachers (English and French, and sciences, respectively). I see them both as having been extremely respectable, but I had real trouble in high school; people were trying to push me around for the sheer joy of doing so, and I had one really atrocious teacher (taught English, knew less about it than I did) who was looking forward to get a job as a principal because "kids these days are such discipline problems, and they need to learn how to stay in line." (He got such a job.) And then there was the jackass who demanded that I submit a science fiction story to a "science paper" contest. I refused. The jackass (had been principal, voluntarily took a demotion to guidance counselor) then called my father (a university professor) who made it clear that if I did not do exactly what Mr. Lane demanded, he (my father) would kill me. By the time of my graduation in 1966, I had no remaining respect for either high school teachers or college professors. And would any of them have gone to bat for a gay student, if one had been "out" that long ago? I seriously doubt it; the gay kid would have been viewed as one more discipline problem and get hammered away at to keep him in line. *Sigh....*

Nate

[jss]

Yep. There are any number of reasons I never came out in high school, and the administration faculty and students at my school are three of the big ones.

[consectari]

Some teachers just phone in their work, just like some people in any other profession. And as in any other profession, some teachers care and try and do everything they can to help their students and then fall into tears and depression because the fucking system won't step in and take care of things. I've known both types and everything in between, I had both as teachers, I've worked with both as colleagues. I am sincerely sorry that you've never had one of those caring teachers in your life. But not all teachers can be painted with the same brush.

Also, administrators and teachers aren't the same thing. Administrators are creatures of politics. The administrators in this case have every bit as much of the moral blame as the kid who pulled the trigger and his family. Unfortunately, getting them to share the legal blame might be impossible. But they deserve it.