Remembering Lawrence King

[filkertom]

huskiebear just told me about something I hadn't heard about, or if I did it didn't register. Something she saw on Ellen.

Something horrible.

It's about a fifteen-year-old kid in Oxnard, CA named Lawrence King. Friends called him Larry. He was openly gay, and it's been reported that he sometimes "dressed in a feminine manner". It seems as if, in anticipation of Valentine's day, he told another male student, Brandon McInerney, that he had a crush on him.

Four days later, McInerney shot Larry in the head.

There are, of course, tributes and presidential candidate statements and religious controversy (read the comments section of that last one -- it's absolutely fascinating, and more than a little revealing about the conflict within the Catholic community). But one thing I noticed which hit me a little hard... something which already influenced me awhile back, and which steered the lyrics of one of my songs.

Lots of people are talking about "tolerance".

And RIGHT FUCKIN' THERE is the problem.

I can't remember where I saw this, it's not an original thought with me, but... you tolerate something which is wrong. The word "tolerance" itself implies the wrongness.

And, goddammit, it is not wrong to be gay.

It is not wrong to have a crush on somebody.

It is beyond wrong, certainly inclusive of wrong but also way the hell beyond, to commit violence on someone for having a crush on you. Or just being gay. Or "dressing in a feminine manner".

Again and again and again we go over this, a zillion times and more, played out like consecutive train wrecks. Unless you are their partner, someone else's sexual choices do not affect you in any way. (If you feel compelled to say What if it's a stalker or a rapist or a child molester? I'll metaphorically smack you upside the head. Those are crimes of violence and power and control and terror.) If someone tells you they have a crush on you, and you don't return it, you say, "I'm sorry, I don't feel that way." Or, if you're a fourteen-year-old boy, maybe you freak out, or maybe not, or maybe you discover something about yourself, maturity, sexual identity, humor, who knows.

You do not go get a gun and shoot the person in the head.

The word is not "tolerance". It's "acceptance". People are different, and unless their differences directly affect you it's not your problem.

But no. Two lives, two families are destroyed. Because somebody taught Brandon McInerney to hate.

This is the greatest reason to fight for gay/lesbian rights, for acceptance. Because "tolerance" may be better than outright hatred, but it's nowhere near enough. And it's getting too easy for some people to commit violence on others because of differences, real or perceived. People have to be shown that the differences are not that different, or not that important, or not anybody else's business.

Rest in peace, Larry, and condolences to your family and friends. May some good come from your tragic loss.

ETA: fixing up the wording here and there.

ETA 2: Adding a link to a report at Think Progress about the Ellen episode. Goddamn it, I wept.

Comments

[jss]

It's worse than that — McInerney was heard to make threats, these threats were reported to the school administrators (if not also police; I've not seen a trusted source on that) who then proceeded to do absolutely nothing. IMO, if that report is true and accurate, those school administrators (et al.) should be tried as accessories to murder one and suffer the full penalty of the law.

[tomreedtoon.livejournal.com]

Not surprised in the slightest about the school adminstrators. Whether or not I'm stepping on anyone's toes or profession right now, I have little respect for grade or high school teachers. Most of them phone in their work and shuffle off responsibility and responsivity that should be theirs. And those are the good ones. There are some that love dominating children, just short of abuse - and some cross that line without thinking.

And it isn't simply contempt for my ex-girlfriend that fuels this disdain. I saw a lot of her colleagues during the decade I dated her. Aside from one praising the fact that I knew basic grammar and had some general knowledge (a thirty year old knowing how to use nouns and verbs in a sentence is astonishing?) they were all horrid people.

Kids know this. They tend to forget it when they grow to adults. I haven't.

Okay, I'll breathe a bit until the rant goes away.

[vulpine137.livejournal.com]

Never thought of it that way, but you're right. Tolerance beats open hate, but acceptance is so much better. And the sooner people stop looking at being gay as 'something wrong' the better.

[selenesue.livejournal.com]

It hit the news pretty hard here in SoCal. It didn't anywhere else? Yet another reason to be appalled [but not shocked] with the Corporate Media Machine.

Oh, and any kid who uses "gay" as an insult around me gets told that some of my best friends are. No really. And they can kick your tiny hiney so find another expletive.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Oh, it was probably all over the blogs. But I've been very busy and distracted lately, and the story broke over CapriCon weekend. So I plead Out Of The Loop.

[admnaismith.livejournal.com]

And it happened in California.

If they do these things in the blue states, what will happen in east Texas?

[pagawne.livejournal.com]

I can only pray to a merciful God that the people in East Texas use the sense the good Lord gave them and behave themselves in a Christian manner. "Love one another" does NOT mean killing, beating, or hurting in ANY way someone who may be unlike they are. I hope they also remember that many of their families had this trait over the years and behaved with dignity and decorum.

Yes, I DO know, I'm related to more than half of them.

[pandoradeloeste.livejournal.com]

ots of people are talking about "tolerance".

And RIGHT FUCKIN' THERE is the problem.

I can't remember where I saw this, it's not an original thought with me, but... you tolerate something which is wrong. The word "tolerance" itself implies the wrongness.

YES. THANK YOU. You've put your finger on exactly what's been bugging me about all the press releases and rhetoric.

(edited for a better icon)

[ginevra007.livejournal.com]

Yes he said it so very well.

On the news today they were having a discussion on Bullying, because a 15 yr old commited suiside and blaming it on the bullying he got in school. His parents are trying to sue the school. Kids are afraid to report it, cus they will be beaten up for 'snitching' My own experience as I was picked on horribly in HS, and I quote, "Well, hon, you will have to solve that problem yourself. That was growing up is all about, solving your own problems" They really do not want to get involed. By not getting involed, you are saying, this bad behavior is ok. It is not ok, it can escalate to kids getting more and more violent, because they can get away with it. And as one person said who called in, the emotional scares can last a life time.

[grimmbear.livejournal.com]

Thank you Tom,
You have a wonderful heart.

[pagawne.livejournal.com]

May God help all of them, and their families. May poor Larry rest in peace, the poor, poor tragic child who did nothing wrong.

[renquestor.livejournal.com]

I hadn't heard a thing about it, which surprises me as I figured Fark would run a story on it. Shit like this shouldn't happen. Just because someone is different from you doesn't mean you kill them. Christ, that hits a bit close to home. Suffice to say, I was young, dumb, and blinded by religion. My mother came out of the closet. She and I didn't speak for several years (combination of factors, not the least of which I was being stupid). Once I got over my religious issue with homosexuality, I realized that I truly don't care about my mother's sexuality. She was still my mom. You are attracted to who you're attracted to. There's nothing wrong with that, barring forcing the object of your attraction. I just don't understand this shit. It's pure bigotry and it makes no goddamn sense. This sort of thing is what's going to destroy humanity. Our inability to accept others as who they are and not force them to conform to some ideal that we've made up in our heads will tear us apart to a point, I fear, of no recovery.

[morpheus0013.livejournal.com]

Fark ran the initial story on the shooting. The details came out a few days later, and I don't recall if anyone posted a follow-up article on it.

[ashkitty.livejournal.com]

You do not go get a gun and shoot the person in the head.

It's completely fucking mind-boggling how much some people do not seem to get the basic fundamental truth of that statement. DON'T SHOOT PEOPLE. It's not bleeding rocket science. It's not even something that makes you a great person because oh, you don't go around shooting people in the head. It's freaking BASIC. Argh.

[admnaismith.livejournal.com]

Hey, if the Vice President of the United States is setting the example...

[louisadkins.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I think this is the first I've seen on this.
./sigh

[gardnerhill.livejournal.com]

That goddamn "we must PRAY LOVINGLY for these filthy perverts" attitude spewed in that Catholic forum is exactly what gets gays tortured to death by the loudest religious fanatics. The one thing in common with all gay bashers is that they blindly swallow that faux-christian "love the sinner, hate the sin" -- and magically skipped a verse to go straight to hating the sinner 'cause Father McFeely or Reverend Fartwell said so.

I try to counter every time I hear a niece or nephew use "gay" as a perjorative, or the tackle football game called "Smear the Queer"...but there's only so much you can do against the forces of tax-free hatred packaged as love.

[gardnerhill.livejournal.com]

Oh. And crap like this is exactly why I (and all the other women and gays out there) did a little dance of joy when that prick Falwell died last year -- despite all the straight, white, males out there wringing their hands and moaning that it "wasn't nice" and we should be "gracious."

[morpheus0013.livejournal.com]

I heard about the shooting when it happened, and had heard about Lawrence's sexuality, but there was no mention in the few days afterward of the Valentine's business. That seems to have largely surfaced with the Ellen episode. (Also, as I noted up above: the NIU shooting took place two days later, and so this story was absorbed into the "spate of school shootings" line that accompanied articles on that. The details of Lawrence's dead began to come to light around the time we were all hearing about NIU.)

Unfortunately, I heard about the Ellen episode via a wank online.

This when just last week we had a ruckus at one of our high schools when, during Diversity Week, a group of kids showed up in "Straight Pride" shirts with a bunch of typical slogans on the back. ("...not Adam and Steve," that kind of crap.)

Ugh.

[hitchkitty.livejournal.com]

a group of kids showed up in "Straight Pride" shirts with a bunch of typical slogans on the back

Yep. Because that sort of "pride" is never "I'm not ashamed to be ____" or even "I'm proud to be ____". It's always "I'm glad I'm not something else!"

Another thing, or something like that

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

After I had managed to fight down my anger and distress over this whole situation, I managed to get in to read some of the "religious controversy" opinions. I am sorry I did. I have felt more and more over the years that hating people for being gay or bisexual is like hating me for having O negative blood. (I do have O negative blood, you know, and I am not ashamed of it, and it is never going to change.) There are opinions out there that encourage me to be really, really angry, and the religious beliefs behind those opinions (notably, that a truly loving God would want His children to be bigots) makes them worse, not better. By the way, filkertom: I was the best chess player in my (small) high school. I won't challenge you to a game, though, as I have played only four or five games in the last 40 years and no longer enjoy it.

Nate

Re: Teachers

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Those comments are extremely telling to me, because they're about half and half: you've got a bunch of people defending the Gays Ar Teh EVEL line, and the rest saying You idiots are exactly the problem. What I see is twofold -- there's a lot to be hopeful for, and there are some people who you just can't get to, which is why we have laws defending people from shit like this.

And, I was really hot stuff back in high school, Nate, but I haven't played a game in years and years. Not even against the computer. I was thinking about picking up the latest version of Chessmaster, just for old times' sake.

[rmeidaking.livejournal.com]

I think Brian McInerney's parents have gotten exactly what they deserve. They taught him his values and how to resolve problems. They should be proud that he carried out what he was taught. As a bonus, their retirement fund will probably be spent instead on his defense. If there's any money left, Lawrence King's parents should file a wrongful death suit, and get it. They should be bankrupt; they're already morally bankrupt.

[voiceofkiki.livejournal.com]

As a child of a gay parent and as a proud "fag hag," I must say that this sort of thing affects my life everyday. Ever since my father came out, I've lived my life pretty firmly in the gay community.

I also lived through things like my high school teachers using anti-gay slurs in classrooms. My high school actually told one of my friends that the school wasn't the place for him after he came out. Their reasoning for this was that they couldn't promise him the "special protection" that someone in his "unique situation" would need. Keep in mind that I went to a public school.

My friend was denied an education because he decided to come out before graduation. Most of my other friends chose to delay coming out until college for just this reason.

For these reasons, I feel more comfortable around the gay community than I do around my fellow straight people. They accept me for who and what I am. And they play better music at their clubs. :P

Thank you for this post, Tom. *love and huggles*

[baphnedia.livejournal.com]

You're a "fag hag"? This "dragonqueen" had no idea (and thusly should point out that yes, I had a crush on you, but wanted to save saying anything until Dragon Con...)

*sigh*

I find a lot more fellowship in communities that have learned acceptance; by this I do not mean the 'gay' community in general, because there are some unacceptable bastages out there - on all sides of the fence (on whatever fence is being used to cut the field)...

[bayushisan.livejournal.com]

Speaking as a Christian I feel I have to say something about this, so please be patient.

One of my best friends in the world is gay. She acts more like a sister to me than my own flesh and blood sister does. I was raised to believe that homosexuality was wrong and a sin. That being said I can't bring myself to hate anyone for any reason. It breaks my heart that Lawrence was murdered for the crime of being different and it breaks my heart that people within the Christian community will try and use this as a way of talking about the "gay agenda" and how we have to watch out because there are people who want to turn your kids gay. To be honest the whole thing makes me sick.

What happened to teaching our kids the golden rule? You know do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

I've found more acceptance among the outcasts, freaks and geeks of the world than I ever did amongst the popular, pretty people or the church crowd. Give me true friendship and acceptance over platitudes and poseurs any day.

Love and peace to all

[msgeek.livejournal.com]

I think the question we all need to ask is this: What WOULD Jesus Do?

If you take the Gospels as...well...GOSPEL, it is clear that Jesus would probably share his bread with them and show them kindness and unconditional positive regard. That's what he did with the publicans and sinners and prostitutes and the other wretched of the Earth he by-and-large ministered to.

It's interesting that he didn't spend a whole lot of time with the rich and powerful, until he was arrested and brought before them in chains.

Note: I am not a Christian. I'm just someone who hates hypocrisy and points it out every chance I get. There are a lot of gay-bashing hypocrites out there.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

Trans Florida Teen Shot (http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/broward/sfl-flbteenmurder0223sbfeb23,0,6177964.story?track=rss)

Tom, you really think I exaggerate when I say a sizeable minority wants gay people dead, and the vast majority really wouldn't care or even notice if all the gay folks vanished?

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Yes, I do. For two reasons, one tangible and one not.

The tangible one is that we hear about the worst of the events. I honestly think that most people don't think about gay people much, unless they know some, which bluntly there's a good chance they do. There's a good chance there's one in most families; certainly most people have gay friends. They may not know that they're gay, for whatever reason, but they know the people. And, surprise! They're no different, except for which team they feel attracted to.

We hear about the acts of violence, the deranged nutbars that have decided they are personal weapons of God or cleaning up the gene pool or striking down the mutant or whatever. And I'm sure there are many smaller-scale incidents we don't hear about. But there are many, many more days when the millions and millions of gay people in this country manage to get along just fine with their straight counterparts, and vice-versa, and nobody gets bludgeoned or dragged behind a truck or anything.

Given the chance and the choice -- and that part is important, because of the political and spiritual "leaders" who try to railroad people into stampedes, and thus take choice away from them -- people tend to leave other people alone. No harm, no foul.

And my sincere belief in that, my hope that I'm not fooling myself too badly on that score, is the other reason. Because if I didn't believe that people are basically reasonable and fair, with some obvious exceptions by way of doctrine or stupidity or agenda or whatever, I don't know that I could make it through the day.

[baphnedia.livejournal.com]

Mind if I xpost this to Paradice Net?

[maiac.livejournal.com]

The word is not "tolerance". It's "acceptance".

Yes, this.

Another friend's post today, quoting an interview with Governor Rick "Goodhair" Perry of Texas in which he affirmed his homophobia (because homosexuals are all about and only about sex, he's certain), reminded me of an exchange I had years ago with a co-worker.

Her: "It's okay for people to be homosexual, I guess, but if any of my co-workers are homosexual I don't want to know about it, because I really think it's Too Much Information about their sex lives."

Me: "So, why do you have a photo of your husband and children prominently displayed in your cub? Isn't that Too Much Information about your sex life? After all, your children weren't adopted. That photo amounts to telling people you have sex."

Her: ::changes the subject completely::

Too many people think [to use the term loosely] like that. "If it makes me say 'ick' then it's wrong." Sadly, no. Setting your personal preferences up as the moral standard for everybody, that's wrong.

[sarekofvulcan.livejournal.com]

Tom, want to post this to dKos, so I can recommend it? Pity LJ doesn't have a recommend button...

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[sarekofvulcan.livejournal.com]

When we watched South Pacific the other day, I made my youngest pay close attention to that song, and told her if she caught me doing that, she needed to call me on it.

[violinsontv.livejournal.com]

Here's what I posted--this one was something I couldn't leave alone. NB: this was an attempt to cut through the BS in the clearest language CCD posters would understand.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and all your mind, and with all your strength, and you shall love your neighbor as yourself.

There is nothing there *whatsoever*--*nothing* in what Christ calls "the law and the prophets" that justifies either killing that child, or not treating him or any GLBT as your neighbor.

Neighbors, brothers and sisters in Christ: you know what "neighbor" means. The Good Samaritan parable makes it very clear. So does the Golden Rule. It's all pretty straightforward.

The fear and scapegoating of homosexuality--the refusal of many (but by no means all) Christians to treat GLBTs as their neighbors is seriously undermining the Christian message.

That's what we mean by acceptance as opposed to tolerance:

Do unto GLBTs as you would have them do unto you.

They who have ears, let them hear.

I am so sorry!

[baphnedia.livejournal.com]

Hey Tom, I wanted to let you know I am making a few changes with how I work with some friends based upon this post. To do so, I copied a whole three lines (and pointed fingers at you (because you captured my philosophy on the nose; but there are a couple of points I'm adding to this).

It is forming the mission statement of what I will be accomplishing with my music. It's something that nagged at me for perhaps about the past ten years or so, but I never enjoyed the clarity of what was nagging me until this post (and giving my brain gears time to grind).

Thanks again.

Louie