Stingy

[filkertom]

A political day today. Probably with many volatile comments So let's plunge right in, shall we?

First, NYT columnist Nicholas Kristof quotes a report saying liberals are stingy donors to charities, preferring to work for government-based solutions.

It takes a couple of mouse clicks to get to the comments on the column. They are fascinating, and mostly confirm my first thought, which is that Mr. Kristof is, shall we say, missing a bigger picture.

I could get into a snarky riff on how Of Course Conservatives Give More To Charities Than Liberals They've Got All The Damn Money (even though there is a bit of truth in that, and certainly liberals are likelier to need charities). There's also the philosophical argument, that conservatives give to private charities because they support less government (and giving to private charities "shows they work", bolstering their argument). There are other institutions people give to, such as museums, college endowments, and public broadcasting, that don't necessarily show up as "charities". You can even mention the social aspect, how some people give for the sake of looking like they're giving -- not because they're not generous, but because they want the recognition of how generous they are. They get their name on the letterhead or a plaque or the program book or announced on the air or something, and therefore they are Good People. I'm not sure those don't apply equally to both sides, but they're out there.

I know that I don't have a lot of money. I also know that that's why I give.

I have never had a lot of money; I never expect to. (Especially with the medical bills, but that's another issue entirely.) Thankfully, I have never been in so dire a strait that I was in danger of missing a meal or sleeping outside except by choice. But I have been close enough that I know how it hurts, both physically and emotionally.

It's humiliating.

Back at a point when I was younger, stupid, didn't have a car, back living with my mom (who didn't have a lot herself), I stood by the side of the road and broke a young woman's heart. She was heading back to her college for graduation, and she really really wanted me there, and I gave her two hours of bullshit and made her cry and made her drive five hours one-way alone and depressed... because she wasn't driving back right away, and I didn't want to tell her I didn't have the $35 for a bus ticket back home, and I didn't want to ask her or anybody else for charity. That was around twenty years ago, and it's still one of my lowest points, one of my biggest mistakes, one of the things I'm most ashamed of. Not being short the money, but doing that to her. She was and is a great lady, and she didn't deserve that, and I was a jerk twice over. It would've taken thirty-five stupid bucks to fix everything, and I had too much pride to ask anyone for it, and I hurt her. I see her now and again; it took me years to get up the guts to apologize to her.

And that's the thing: That wasn't an emergency. That was a social situation. I had some investment, or so I thought, in maintaining my pride. When you're really up the creek, pride is the first thing to go.

It has to be, if you're going to eat.

We have an advantage, here in Michigan; we have a deposit bottle bill, and every pop bottle or can is a dime waiting to be redeemed. While loading a bag or two of Pepsi bottles into the van, I have seen homeless people going through cans and dumpsters looking for deposit bottles, and I have given them my bags rather than be embarrassed by watching them dig through the garbage.

I've stopped to give a five or a ten to the guy beside the exit ramp with the Will Work For Food sign.

I kick in a buck or two here, a buck or two there all the time. Goodness knows everybody begs for help, especially this time of year: pretty much every line at Kroger and KMart has St. Jude or The United Way or the local food bank or something at the register, Best Buy and certain car dealerships have the toy donation boxes up front, the clothes donations boxes are more front-and-center, every gas station has a coin can. I kick in. About five weeks ago, some guy in line ahead of me at Kroger was seven dollars short at the register, and he was paying in rolls of coins. It was no effort at all to help him out.

I do not say this to show how wonderfully generous I am. I say this because I hate the fact that all I can do is this pittance of a dollar here, a dollar there. I wish to Christ I could do so much more, and this is all I can do.

I'm not in physical shape at this point to help in a soup kitchen. Or shlep stuff in a recycling center. Or stand outside a Planned Parenthood clinic and help women get past protesters.

And I know that there's a decent chance of any money I give to a street person going to booze or smokes.

But, y'know? I don't even mind that. Because if they do that, they're trying, at least for a moment, to escape where and what they are now. Attempting to regain a smidge of dignity.

As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that I could have a charity concert. And I think, sometime this year, I will. Maybe a house filk or something. I don't know. Something that will help somebody.

I'm in okay shape. I have very generous friends who helped me out when I needed it this year, and I'm very grateful, and I'm getting so much more music ready for you all because that's really all I can do.

But I give when I can, even if it's only a little, because if you can give somebody something to eat and a little of their dignity back, it's a very good thing.

If you have any particular charity you'd like us to help with, please link to it here. Mine is Planned Parenthood, with an extra nod towards Kiva. I also visit The Hunger Site (which is actually six different sites, click on all of 'em) and Free Rice. If you know of other click-to-donate sites, please share them with us. Thanks.

Comments

[baphnedia.livejournal.com]

Tom,

The biggest thing is that you give for what you (and many of us likely) see to be the Right Reasons. Giving is not something you do just when your rich - it is something that you do all the time.

Sometimes, it even comes back around full circle and surprises you. I'll likely post something about my recent surprise in that newsletter I never sit down to write...

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I hope I do. I certainly try to. And, if you don't get to that newsletter, by all means take some space here.

[mimiheart.livejournal.com]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wn3s2j33oEY

If you watch the video, Jones Soda gives money to a charity that gives vitamins to kids.

[zianuray.livejournal.com]

http://freekibble.com/

http://www.freekibblekat.com/

Trivia, but both donate whether the answer given is right or not.

[barbara-the-w.livejournal.com]

Then there are those of us who don't give to *certain* charities (such as, say, Salvation Army and Boy Scouts), because of their exculsionary and arrogant rules and behaviours. I firmly believe that an organization which accepts federal funds can't exclude people from their organization. That's just immoral.

I give locally to the food bank. Because that makes a difference, every day. I like the idea of the concert, Tom. My local food bank is doing something similar: http://www.access-inc.org/

[zellion.livejournal.com]

Knowing that not all people are alike, I've still been taught to be wary in giving money to people, for the booze/drugs/scam factor. I'm far more likely to run by a the store, get a loaf of bread and a bunch of bananas (total cost? $3 maybe?) and hand that out to someone on the street who asks me for help. There was a guy who would sometimes stand on the freeway off ramp I used to take for my old job with a "will work for food" sign. I used to keep non-perishable food in my car to hand out to him, except for the time he was standing there in the rain and I gave him my umbrella.

[isolde-deely.livejournal.com]

at work, we support The Family Place, Juvinile Diabetes, and Special Olympics. This year, we had the Kentucky Harvest kitchen food bank asking for food donations, and they asked each team to donate 100 items. It didn't quite happen that way, though my team did 200- there were teams that did none. Sadly, most of that was ramen for most of the teams- I ended getting hot chocolate and other foods as well. It makes me feel good that I can help out in what small ways I can- even if I don't have a lot of money.

I can always buy dress down passes at work, and that money also goes to charity as well, but that usually isn't a priority so I don't do it.

I do it because it makes me feel better, to give to those who need money for researh, medical bills, food, support etc. I don't do it to make people go "ooh look at me" and that seems to be a more conservative attitude. I have never used this for taxes - I probably won't.

I don't care what the conservatives think- we DO make this a better place.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

And that's another thing: the tax deductability. I suppose it's possible to get receipts for donations made through the cash register, but... not so much for the cans, or the toy/clothing boxes, or handing it to someone on the street. And I'd feel icky adding that up for a tax break anyway.

I understand people do think in those terms for their donations, but I just don't get it. You give because someone needs.

[zellion.livejournal.com]

My work is similar - for the food drive this year they said, "Ramen will get you negative points," for the 'competition' between teams, and they assigned a point value to different items of food. I thought this was a marvelous idea.

[fair-witness.livejournal.com]

I did what I could with the helpvera fundraising earlier (Vera and I are both SFWA Musketeers), and because of that I learned about this charity:

http://www.modestneeds.org/

[rmeidaking.livejournal.com]

I regularly donate to The Red Cross of Washtenaw County (http://www.wc-redcross.org/), because I know the money will be going to help folks in my area. My son's school, Ann Arbor Academy (http://www.annarboracademy.org/), which is a tiny school for kids with ADHD and other learning issues, lost major funding from Pfizer, Visteon, and other corporations in the past two years. (It's hard to run a school on tuition payments alone.) I have supported Food Gatherers (http://www.foodgatherers.org/) from time to time, but last time they sold my address to a bunch of charities, which means I'm only giving them anonymous cash from now on. I give clothing and household goods to The Salvation Army of Ann Arbor (http://www.sawashtenaw.org/). I prefer charities that are secular or at least not preachy (yes, I know that the Salvation Army is an exception, but most people don't even realize that they're a church), and I make a point to give locally. I figure there's something wrong with the picture when people support starving people in Africa, but don't support starving people in their own county.

I recently discovered GoodSearch (http://www.goodsearch.com/), which allows you to rack up 1 cent per search. If you're like me, this can be a couple of dollars a week. Most charities are represented there.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

That could work. That could work very damn well. Keeps people from donating things like mac & cheese and condensed soup, too -- the more versatility and nutritional value, the better.

[baphnedia.livejournal.com]

Since I'm so close to hitting the road (again), I'd better get it out of my system...

I was given, (or loaned until the owner wants it back), the fiddle his father used to win the New York Fiddler's Association competition four times (the fifth time he was drunk, and placed 4th).

It is a 1938 Czechoslovakian copy of a Stradivarius. Czechoslovakia became a country (in 1938), before it was invaded in 1939 by Hitler. The instrument is in 'perfect' condition - much unlike the violin you've seen me fiddle on at Dragon Con.

I have no idea how to express my gratitude to the giver for this gift - I've never received anything quite like this before. I tried "Thank You," about ten times, to no avail. I'm sure I'll think of something more (maybe music, even) before I hit the road again Dec 29th.

[zellion.livejournal.com]

I think also, if you need food you go to the food bank, if you need somewhere to sleep you can go to a shelter for a few days.

I know there are a lot of families living on the brink of that kind of thing- *just* having enough money for rent and getting by on what they can by and neighbors can give them. What about the little things we do that make people's lives a bit more bearable?

What about the man who stopped along a busy freeway when my car caught on fire to make sure I was ok and offered to help me get somewhere or call for help? What about the young mother at Aldi with the 3 month old baby yesterday who let me watch her daughter while she ran out into the pouring rain to pull up her car so her baby wouldn't have to get soaked?

Are conservatives more likely to donate one big showy offering but ignore the random acts of kindness? That's what I'd like to see a study on.

[ebonypearl.livejournal.com]

Have you seen Modest Needs (http://www.modestneeds.org)? Or Healing Species (http://www.healingspecies.com/), or SAFENOWPROJECT (http://www.safenowproject.org/s/564/safenowStart.aspx), or Camp Laurel (http://www.camplaurel.org/), or Stand Up For Kids (http://www.standupforkids.org/scontribute.html), or Heifer International (http://www.heifer.org/), or World Gifts (http://worldgifts.cafod.org.uk/), or Buy a Goat (IHFO) (http://www.ihfonline.org/survivalprogram.php), or What Kind of World Do You Want (http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214=20)? A lot of these are small, accept small donations, and aren't as easy as The Hunger Site or Free Rice, but if you're shopping for gifts anyway, some of these are good places to both buy a gift and help someone else.

Until yesterday, I ran a personal charity of my own called Sandwich Saturdays, where I'd make and take sandwiches out to the homeless. I did that for 10 years, went from feeding about 7 or 8 people a week to, yesterday, feeding 139 people. I used to be able to give several sandwiches to a person, yesterday, I was limiting it to one sandwich per person and had to look at people and tell them, "I'm sorry, I'm out of sandwiches." My little charity isn't enough any more. I've known this since the homeless population exploded starting about 3 years ago, and I'm revamping what I do and how.

I keep cases of bottled water (and small bottles of sunscreen in the summer - Oklahoma sun is brutal) in my car to hand out to the "will work for food" people along with a brochure with places that will give them food, clothes, a place to sleep, and maybe a chance at a job.

I teach guerrilla gardening to homeless people and give them seeds - teach them how to plant food in waste spaces and how to harvest them and eat them, and they are thrilled to do this - it's a charity they can do, and they can even benefit from it in a couple of months when the plants ripen. I'm going to vamp up that charity and give away more vegetable seeds and teach more people how to guerrilla garden and wildcraft and survive.

I help train hearing ear dogs (I have one and he helps train the others) and give them away, usually only one or two a year.

I think liberals give charity in more personal ways than many people suspect. Our donations aren't tracked and accounted for, but they are nonetheless real and effective.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

That was pretty much my point. And you... you're a dynamo. Anyone out in OK want to help ebonypearl with the sandwich thing...?

[ebonypearl.livejournal.com]

You give because someone needs.

Exactly! I have a house that apparently never runs out of power (I'm connected to a different transformer), so when our neighborhood is blacked out due to a storm power outage, I have extension cords snaking out of my house all over the neighborhood - and I have never once asked any of those people to help me pay my utility bill when it came due. They needed power, I had it, and how would I ever get a receipt for that?

I just think of it as the cost of living among others.

[jblaque.livejournal.com]

http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Click on the big purple button and sign up for the daily reminder e-mail. Every click provides food for shelter animals.

[jannyblue.livejournal.com]

My old apartment in Queens was the same way.

I had 1 outlet that was working during that 3 day blackout, so the fridge got plugged into that. Lovely exension cord draped across the counter, but it was better than losing all my non-ramen food.

Since work said essentially "STAY HOME!!!" (not like I could go in with the subways not running) I spent the days making ice and lugging it to local places where there wasn't power.

Gave out freezy-pops to the neighbor kids, since it was a zillion degrees out. They seemed to appreciate it.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I have The Hunger Site at the top, but I just edited that to mention that it's actually six different sites.

[jss]

Though to be fair, sometimes you should have the less-nutritional and fun foods included. When I volunteered at the Chicago Food Bank filling boxes, the goal was a however-many pound box filed with a variety of things (and I remember cereals, pastas, sauces, soups, crackers, jam, peanut butter, and marshmellow fluff being among the things they were stuffed with; my job was more decant crates of Stuff onto the racks for the folks actually walking the the box-assembly line). One of the employees there did stress that these were often for families with kids, so including a bag of cookies or candy was perfectly appropriate.

[jblaque.livejournal.com]

Ah yes... thanks.

[jannyblue.livejournal.com]

May I suggest the canned fruit in juice, rather than that glorpy "heavy syrup" stuff? Applesauce is good too. Everyone gives canned veggies (usually corn) but it seems like nobody bothers with fruit. (Except for canned cranberry sauce around Thanksgiving)

And I'd also like to point out that NOBODY donates mayonnaise, but everyone donates canned tuna....

I sometimes donate can openers along with the other stuff... back in the day when everything didn't have a pull-tab on it, I always wondered how people who couldn't afford food would get into all the cans people were donating.

[jannyblue.livejournal.com]

I'm going to vamp up that charity and give away more vegetable seeds

Email me. jannyblue@gmail.com.

I have contacts at Burpee...

[bayushisan.livejournal.com]

I've always been taught that God blesses people with abundance so that they may be a blessing to others. That's how I've always looked at the world and that's how my family has lived, even though we've had an abundance of lack. We've never been wealthy and I don't think we ever will. We've helped people, not because they deserved it, but because they needed it. If I ever had the money I'd likely use it to build a free hospital for those who don't have health insurance to come to when they needed it.

My personal favorite charities, being one's that I would support, are things like Habbitat for Humanity, Child's Play and other related charities.

I feel the need to mention this one as well, and I'm sorry if it causes an argument Tom that's really not my intent. Pastor Rod Parsley, and I know many of you don't like him, has a ministry that helps to free those people being kept as slaves in the Sudan. Those are the kinds of things I can support regardless of any disagreement I may have over a person's politics.

Heck I'd support funding AIDS and cancer research, I'd support charities designed to get medical aid to the poor in other countries. Politics have to be set aside to help those who need it.

Just from my perspective as a Christian I point to the story of the good Samaritan. The Samaritan in the story stopped to help a man who needed it, despite the fact that the man he helped would have otherwise reviled him.

*sigh*

I do feel your pain on the medical bill front Tom. I've been denied Medicaid two or three times now despite having nothing and my doctor telling my not to work anymore. Things will work out in the end though and that's why charities exist, to help things work out in the end.