Gaaaaah

[filkertom]

Certainly, this is the oldest and possibly most obvious complaint about the Net, but this stuff is really starting to bug me.

Can't people use phrases they actually understand? Can't they punctuate properly, and come close to using correct grammar? Can't people frickin' spell!?

"Pedal to the mettle". "Per say". "She couldn't bare it". "Taking it's time". "He was about to loose the game". And on, and on, and on.

No one is perfect. I realize that. But KEE-RYSTE we've got frickin' spell-checkers. In theory, we learned all this stuff back in grade school. And I keep seeing the same stuff over, and over, and over. This isn't something like "KEE-RYSTE" or "frickin'", fake words used to emphasize one thing or another. This is the actual language, actually being mangled by people who should know better.

What are your least favorite linguistic atrocities?

Comments

[marahsk.livejournal.com]

Not to nitpick (well, OK, yes, I am nitpicking), but all of your examples would get through spell-check.

My least favorite are posts with no punctuation, capitalization, or line breaks, and grammar and spelling that appears to be random. The worst part is that when you politely suggest to the lemur that somehow managed to learn to type person that you couldn't read their post because it gives you a headache, they respond that none of that matters because this is teh internets, not school, and that's how real people talk now, and you're just an old fogy. Or at least you *think* that's what they replied, as their reply was no more legible than their original post.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

You are absolutely correct about the spell-check, which is why I mention the other points. There are so many good online phrase books, rhyming dictionaries, grammar lessons... hell, copies of Strunk & White are only $1.50, used, at Amazon... or you can find it online (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strunk_and_White).

[trdsf.livejournal.com]

Oh, boy. Got an hour or six?

The most bizarre I've heard of--certainly in terms of the mental image it brings forth--was mentioned in a 'zine review many moons ago: "His arms encircled her waste." Yech!

My favorite occurred in a Dr Who novel, although it a typo rather than a misused word: "The dust was an inch thick on the shelf the Doctor was peeing over."

But the one that inevitably gets my teeth grinding is the vanished infinitive of 'to be': "The car needs washed." as opposed to "The car needs to be washed." or "The car needs (a) washing."

And yeah, sometimes I want to reach through the monitor and throttle the little illiterate on the other side of the connection for using "its'", for being incapable of using the correct form between "you're" and "your" or among "there", "they're" and "their", or--and here's the completely unforgivable one as far as I'm concerned--for the dreaded "L33TSP34K".

Actually, I don't like most online conventions. 'pwned' is not a word. 'zomg' isn't a proper acronym. I used them sometimes, for the same reason I used Microsoft--sometimes you just have to, like it or not.

As for my own literary sins, I know what they are. I overuse ellipses, independent clauses, parentheticals, passive voice, inverted order, and tend toward freakishly long sentences. I mix formal and informal voices, sometimes within the same paragraph. In my defense, each sentence is individually grammatically correct.

I can tell you what the difference is--my parents read to me as soon as I was able to sit up. I learned to read on my own by the time I was two and a half. Not everyone can do that last, but everyone should have their parents make time like that. The difference is incalculable.

Nowadays as soon as the kid can sit up, they get plopped down in front of Barney and Teletubbies. It's not the same--although I will admit that of the modern crop, "Between The Lions" is genuinely in the same league as Sesame Street and Electric Company.

Of course, the really annoying thing about a grammar rant itself is that I feel obliged to quintuple-check before I hit send because nothing (outside of politics) drives me bat$#!+ insane like a grammar/spelling rant that's misspelled or grammatically incorrect. And brother, could I tell you some horror stories from our 'zine days... even ones that were my fault! :)

[lukeski.livejournal.com]

Lately, every time I type the word 'perform', it comes out 'perfrom'.

[renquestor.livejournal.com]

Let's see, for me it's the word warsh. It's spelled w-a-s-h. There is no r in it. Mixing up they're, there, and their. Messing up your and you're. These are some of the few that I can think of right now.

[trdsf.livejournal.com]

"Per say" and "taking it's time" would be caught by a grammar checker. Way Back When, when dragonscholar and ataniell93 and I did a 'zine, we used the grammar checker in WordPerfect to try to catch some of the correctly spelled but misused words. It wasn't 100%--let's face it, there's really nothing grammatically incorrect with "she couldn't bare it"--but it usually caught something we missed.

What amazes me is that there are people who know they can't spell well... and yet they refuse to use a spellchecker.

Oh, and six years after going online, I'm still trying to convince my mom to turn her CAPS LOCK off. :)

[trdsf.livejournal.com]

I do that with 'think' and 'thing' every time--when I mean to type 'think', I type 'thing' and vice versa.

You don't want to know how many times I edited this to makes sure I got it all out correctly. :)

[starsongky.livejournal.com]

I'm usually annoyed by contractions and posessives that get switched. Your/You're and Its/It's. Their/There/They're substitutions get on my nerves as well.

I know my own grammar isn't perfect, but basic proficiency would be a welcome change.

[seanmonster.livejournal.com]

Idear.

[atalantapendrag.livejournal.com]

Oh, so very many errors of that sort that annoy me, but nothing more than when you point it out to a repeat offender, only to have them say:

"Oh, it doesn't matter."

I used to know a young woman with absolutely horrific spelling, grammar, punctuation, and usage (she consistently used "swoon" when she meant "sigh", among other things) errors in every IM, email, and journal post she wrote. Being corrected made her irritable, because it "wasn't important".

She's studying to be a teacher.

[jmthane.livejournal.com]

Another good one from another Doctor Who novel referred to Benny when she "grabbed a visitor's ass". When I had Kate Orman autograph the book, she went to the page (as she does whenever she sees it) and put a "p" in front of the "ass".

I dunno - I think it's perfectly in character for Benny to grab a visitor's ass, myself...

[que-sara-sara.livejournal.com]

there, their and they're. When the former secretary for Conclave couldn't get them right in the minutes I almost screamed. How can you call your self a secretary and still confuse "there will be" and "they are"??!!???

Must catch up at work now. It's going to be a long day. T-minus 4 hours to Frank Hayes pick up time.

[jhayman.livejournal.com]

But darling, the educational system came up with "whole language" where children teach themselves to spell and close counts. What's up with your ire??

Seriously, this is one of my pet peeves as well. Grammar and spelling bloody enhance communication: they make it easier for the reader to understand the message of the sender. I agree that homonynm are hard and irregular verbs challenging. Tough! It's English, one of the most dynamic languages in the world. Just do it!

Least favourite atrocities: too numerous to mention.

[jhayman.livejournal.com]

Homonyms. Not homonym. (exasperated!)

[scott644.livejournal.com]

My least favorite such atrocity is the behavior of the "grammer police" and the "netiquette nazis." They literally drove 'leet to become what it was - all through sheer arrogance and offensive attacks rather than acceptance and gentle guidance.

[adamselzer.livejournal.com]

Could of
Should of
Would of
etc.

[crwilley.livejournal.com]

Ditto. Also misplaced apostrophes - I've generally got a Sharpie on my person at work, and I've been known to whip it out and edit notes people have posted around the building.

[cheshyre]

Okay, that post hurts to read. I have to skim over it, I find it so painful.

A few of my gripes include somebody "pouring over a book" (instead of poring) and psyche spelled sike. And I'm sure I'll think of about fifteen others the moment I submit this, but I'd rather not dwell upon them.

[hitchkitty.livejournal.com]

Oh, "warsh" is a word. It means "to scrub with excessive vigor, possibly while plastered on moonshine".

Similarly, "rasslin" is like "wrestling", but without rules.

[hitchkitty.livejournal.com]

Gah, that one ALWAYS pisses me off.

Yes, I know it sounds like "could of" -- actually, "could uhv" -- but...geez, people. Do you not KNOW what those sounds MEAN?

As I suggested elsewhere at some point, is a "could" a unit of measure? As in, "I'll take a could of raspberries?"

[ohiblather.livejournal.com]

I also hate the overuse of double quotes, especially in public signage.

I recently saw a sign in a building elevator, for example, that said something like the following:

PLEASE "CLEAN UP" AFTER YOUR "PETS"

Ugh.

[hitchkitty.livejournal.com]

Indeed.

"How dare you criticize my story?!"

"...I'd have to be able to read it first."

[shsilver.livejournal.com]

In speaking, I hate exetera, which I've also seen abbreviated ect. Not overly fond of acrost. All's I know is annoying as well.

[larcb.livejournal.com]

The theory with whole language, or invented spelling, is that eventually the children WILL be able to follow the correct rules of grammar and spelling. Liken it to a baby: first they say "Mama, shoes!" not "Mother, I want my shoes, please!". Then, with first drafts, editing, self-checking, teacher input, exposure to books, etc., the children will learn how to automatically self-correct. Spelling errors drive me crazy as well, as does "text message" writing!

[wormquartet.livejournal.com]

Apostrophes are the things that REALLY get me.

There was a flower shop in Palmer, MA that had a sign outside proudly advertising "Flower's." I wanted to go in and grab the owner by the throat and say "YOU ARE A FLORIST! YOU HAVE MADE A CAREER OUT OF DEALING WITH FLOWERS! YOU SPEND AT LEAST 8 HOURS EVERY SINGLE DAY SELLING, ARRANGING, AND ORGANIZING FLOWERS! FLOWERS ARE YOUR LIVELIHOOD! FLOWERS ARE THE REASON YOU HAVE FOOD AND SHELTER! LEARN TO SPELL THE FRIGGIN' WORD!!!"

And to a lesser extent, I'm always bothered when people draw cartoons and use thought bubbles to indicate speech.

-=ShoEboX=-