Say The Secret Woid

[filkertom]

It's "birthday" -- specifically, Groucho Marx's (born in 1890).

Just start going through your favorite Groucho lines. Try not to do too many at a time, so others can play.

Comments

[thatcrazycajun.livejournal.com]

Groucho as Capt. Spaulding: "Yesterday I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know!"

(Hugging Margaret Dumont) DUMONT: "Hold me closer! Closer!" GROUCHO: "If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of you!"

Groucho on literacy: "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

[controuble.livejournal.com]

I used to have a shirt with the dog/book saying. I really miss it - I need to get a new one as the old one got too worn to be wearable in public.

[shsilver.livejournal.com]

My in-laws gave me that shirt. Sort of. The shirt they bought has a misquote that is less funny: "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's very dark."

[controuble.livejournal.com]

That just doesn't get the point across, does it.

[shsilver.livejournal.com]

Hugging Margaret Dumont) DUMONT: "Hold me closer! Closer!" GROUCHO: "If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of you!"

I think that was Thelma Todd.

[mannoftalent.livejournal.com]

FROM A DAY AT THE RACES...

Flo: Why, I've never been so insulted in my life!
(Groucho looks at his watch.)
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): Well, it's early yet.

One of those Groucho passing remarks

[ericcoleman]

A Priest: I want to thank you for all the joy you have brought into the world.
Groucho: I want to thank you for all the joy you have taken out of the world.

[braider.livejournal.com]

I love my cigars, but I take them out of my mouth sometimes.

[shsilver.livejournal.com]

Except that he never said that. It is an urban legend.

[gavroche42.livejournal.com]

He did too say it!

He said it to Roger Ebert (http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/grouchocigar.asp) in the process of insisiting he never said it on You Bet Your Life. Does it matter where he said the words, and in what context? He said them.

[unclelumpy.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry, but we're using the old-fashioned ice-man and we find him very satisfactory at keeping the house warm."

"I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse!"

"I refuse to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member."

(Lady: "Walk this way.")
"If I could walk that way, I wouldn't be wearing these pants."

[janet-coburn.livejournal.com]

I always heard it quoted as "If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need the talcum powder."

[shsilver.livejournal.com]

All together now:

Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, say, have you met Lydia?
Lydia The Tattooed Lady.
She has eyes that folks adore so,
and a torso even more so.
Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclo-pidia.
Oh Lydia The Queen of Tattoo.
On her back is The Battle of Waterloo.
Beside it, The Wreck of the Hesperus too.
And proudly above waves the red, white, and blue.
You can learn a lot from Lydia!

La-la-la...la-la-la.
La-la-la...la-la-la.

When her robe is unfurled she will show you the world,
if you step up and tell her where.
For a dime you can see Kankakee or Paree,
or Washington crossing The Delaware.

La-la-la...la-la-la.
La-la-la...la-la-la.

Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, say, have you met Lydia?
Lydia The Tattooed Lady.
When her muscles start relaxin',
up the hill comes Andrew Jackson.
Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclo-pidia.
Oh Lydia The Queen of them all.
For two bits she will do a mazurka in jazz,
with a view of Niagara that nobody has.
And on a clear day you can see Alcatraz.
You can learn a lot from Lydia!

La-la-la...la-la-la.
La-la-la...la-la-la.

Come along and see Buffalo Bill with his lasso.
Just a little classic by Mendel Picasso.
Here is Captain Spaulding exploring the Amazon.
Here's Godiva, but with her pajamas on.

La-la-la...la-la-la.
La-la-la...la-la-la.

Here is Grover Whelan unveilin' The Trilon.
Over on the west coast we have Treasure Isle-on.
Here's Nijinsky a-doin' the rhumba.
Here's her social security numba.

La-la-la...la-la-la.
La-la-la...la-la-la.

Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclo-pidia.
Oh Lydia The Champ of them all.
She once swept an Admiral clear off his feet.
The ships on her hips made his heart skip a beat.
And now the old boy's in command of the fleet,
for he went and married Lydia!

I said Lydia...
(He said Lydia...)
They said Lydia...
We said Lydia, la, la!

[starfallz.livejournal.com]

*applauds*

[annechen-melo.livejournal.com]

Where's the mp3?

[sydb42.livejournal.com]

9 dollars and 40 cents? Thats an outrage! If I were you I wouldn't pay it!

Groucho Marx in A Night At The Opera

[bald-ruminant.livejournal.com]

"You know I must have some reputation. There isn't anything anyone can say on this stage that won't evoke some kind of a dirty laugh from the audience... What do you mean, 'the old fashioned-way'?"

[the-magician.livejournal.com]

TV is called a medium because it’s neither rare or well-done.
(also attributed to Ernie Kovacs)

[maiac.livejournal.com]

"Hello, I must be going."

[wildcard9.livejournal.com]

Some of my favorites have already been said here, and the rest I don't know the full quote of so I can't post them here (only fragments in my head right now). Frustrating!!

[tony-goldmark.livejournal.com]

"This next clause, I don't think you're gonna like." "I'll take your word for it." (RIP!)

"Why, a four-year-old child could understand this report! Run out and get me a four-year-old child, I can't make head or tail of it."

"I surrender!" "I'm sorry, you'll have to wait til the fruit's gone."

[drzarron.livejournal.com]

Gentlemen, Chicolini here may look like an idiot, and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

[ratbastrd.livejournal.com]

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."

"Whatever it is, I'm against it!"

"I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book."

Groucho is my hero...

[sunnysusan12.livejournal.com]

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

[shsilver.livejournal.com]

One of my favorites is Groucho's last words, according to Steve Stoliar, his personal secretary of the time.

In response to a nurse saying, "I've come to see if you have a temperature."

"Don't be silly, everyone has a temperature."

[j-e-richards.livejournal.com]

"I had an wonderful evening..unfortunatly this wasn't it"

[markbernstein.livejournal.com]

"You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here. You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle."

"The Elks, on the other hand live up in the hills, and in the spring they come down for their annual convention. It is very interesting to watch them come to the water hole. And you should see them run when they find it is only a water hole. What they're looking for is an Elk-o-hole."

[darrenzieger.livejournal.com]

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt."

"Room service? Send up a larger room."

[icon-uk.livejournal.com]

Since "Lydia" has already appeared, I'll go for a couple with/about the incomparable Margaret Dumont


Rufus T. Firefly: We're going to fight for this ladies honour, which is probably more than SHE ever did.

(Duck Soup)

- - -

Groucho - Remember that night in Paris when we blew our brains out? How we laughed! I drank champage from your slipper... Two quarts, it would have been more but you were wearing inner soles.

(At the Circus)

- - -
Rufus T. Firefly: Not that I care, but where is your husband?
Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead.
Rufus T. Firefly: I bet he's just using that as an excuse.
Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end.
Rufus T. Firefly: No wonder he passed away.
Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him.
Rufus T. Firefly: Oh, I see, then it was murder. Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.

(Duck Soup)

[gardnerhill.livejournal.com]

My favorite line ever from a Marx Bros film, "Duck Soup":

FIREFLY: "Remember, men, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is more than SHE ever did!"