Nine One Wuh?

[filkertom]

Heads up to the really, really stupid crowd: It is not an emergency when a slot machine takes the money you put into it. Or you have a fight with your brother. Or Subway puts the wrong sauce on your sammich.

Any goofy-ass news you've heard about lately (apart from the whole idiotic tire-gauge thing)?

Comments

[zianuray.livejournal.com]

The slot machine taking my money would be an emergency for ME, 'cause it would mean someone TOOK my money to put in there!

[allandaros.livejournal.com]

Well, the heirs of the Knights Templar (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/spain/2495343/Knights-Templar-heirs-in-legal-battle-with-the-Pope.html) are suing the Pope and the Catholic Church. :D

[peachtales.livejournal.com]

Because car maintenance is a bad thing. *facepalm*

[amazingadrian.livejournal.com]

The Entitlement Generation always makes me laugh.

And then they make me cry because I realize it was the generation I was born into.

The 90's were so "radical", right? Why is it that so many stupid people grew up during that decade?

[unclelumpy.livejournal.com]

They grew up in an era of peace, prosperity and respect and were bombarded by music and radio talking about how TERRIBLE it was!

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

And for the last several years, we've had the opposite -- war, softening economy, and derision (not to mention pollution, savaged rights, and inept emergency management and higher energy prices and and and...), and we're bombarded by radio talking how GREAT it's been!

[infinitemorning.livejournal.com]

This is what happens when people convinced that they're God's Only Chosen and charged with bringing about The Lord's Most Holy Nuclear Hand Grenade Apocalypse take over our government, our economy and our mainstream media. I'm increasingly convinced that a lot of the people in power right now are not only fully aware of how terrible things are but hoping to make them even worse.

On the other hand, I'm actually encouraged by the tire gauge thing, because if that's the worst the GOP can throw at Obama...well, it's no Swift Boat Veterans For Blatant Frakking Lies, that's for sure. I know presidencies have been won and lost on seemingly trivial things, but something about all of McCain & crew's negative campaigning this time around rings hollower than usual. I can't even get mad. I can only laugh at how incredibly ridiculous they are. I may, of course, feel differently if this crap actually wins him the damn election.

[unclelumpy.livejournal.com]

At least the music's as whiny as ever.

[unclelumpy.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, the "tire gauge" thing.

Moon... Finger... You know the rest.

[bathtubnz.livejournal.com]

I personally have taken an emergency call from a person who was complaining that a restaurant lost there umbrella.

And one from a women who called because a Bouncer spilt water on them.

People are dumb, something you learn so fast in a job like that.

[bryanp.livejournal.com]

Here you go Tom. Two stories from the funniest Sheriff's Deputy in existence about having to man the 911 phone. The excerpt from the second one is my favorite as he gets to explain The Facts Of Life to a woman who wants him to tell her daughter that she'll go to jail for not eating her carrots. Good stuff.

http://thelawdogfiles.blogspot.com/2007/05/dispatchers-dont-get-paid-enough.html

http://thelawdogfiles.blogspot.com/2007/06/dispatcher-return.html


"Mommy says if I don' eat kak-rots, I go-go jail."

'Kak-rot'? What the hell is a 'kak-rot'? Fortunately the Sheriff -- father, recent grandfather, hopefully fluent in Small Child -- wanders by, coffee in hand.

"Boss," I say, hand over the receiver mouthpiece, "What the hell is a 'kak-rot'?"

He pauses, sipping meditatively, "It's either orange-coloured rabbit-bait, or unlawful in twelve states -- depending on the age of your caller."

Oh. Carrot.

... ... (mom calls and gives him hell for not going along)

"Madam, your daughter may need to talk to a police officer sometime. If I terrify her by telling her I'm going to throw her in jail for absolute bushwa, then all cops become the Boogeyman. Small children just don't walk up to the Boogeyman and tell him about emergencies."

"Now look here, buddy, I pay your salary."

"Yes, you do. You -- personally -- pay about two dollars and forty-five cents of my salary each year. Here's your $2.45 worth: find a way of serving kak-rots that she likes."

[faithwallis.livejournal.com]

I would like to nominate that man for Grandpa of the Year or Public Servant of the Century or something. A-dore-a-ble. :)

[bryanp.livejournal.com]

I highly recommend reading the full linked versions. You will laugh.

[fredhuggins.livejournal.com]

That guy should learn from the movies - FIRST you get married drunk, THEN the writers let you win the slots, THEN Dennis Miller forces you to live with Cameron Diaz.

"This boy's dying of LURGY!"

[jcw-da-dmg.livejournal.com]

I have noticed a tendency in Republicans to over-simplify anything a Democrat with a chance of winning says. I think it may be the only way they can understand it - or think they do.

[kilbia.livejournal.com]

One of my friends is a 911 dispatcher for the city north of me. So far her best story has been a woman who called because she was concerned that she had once again overdosed on her medication (probably because she forgot she'd already taken it).

That's fine, right? Good for her?

She thought she was overdosing because she'd heard them say on the television that they were going to let a black man run for President.

Naturally, everyone was very polite and professional in addressing her concern and informing her that no, this was really happening and was not an overdose hallucination. But man has it been a well-received story since.