Best Line From THE GOODBYE GIRL: "I'm here. I'm listening."

[filkertom]

This article is an excellent reminder that it always seems easier to solve someone else's problems than to solve your own.

I try very hard to be a sympathetic person. No matter how rough some things have been, and still are, I'm working from a position of relative strength: I'm not about to keel over dead from anything, I've got a house, I'm mostly able to pay my bills. And I feel very bad for friends who are going through rough times. I've been there. I hope I don't end up there again.

I've worked for a long time now to adjust my reaction from "cursory expressed sympathy and then problem solving" (the sympathy is no less sincere, but comes across as brusque or perfunctory) to "lots of sympathy, hugs, listening, more sympathy, and THEN an offer to help if I can do anything and if they even want the help". I'm almost there, but problem-solving mode does kick in fairly quickly if I'm not paying attention. It's a reflex: I want to make better whatever's hurting.

This is for everyone who doesn't need advice, solutions, or inspirational speeches, but rather needs commiseration, a friendly and non-judgmental ear, and/or just a big ol' hug. I got 'em right here. Endless supply, and all free.

Comments

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

I'm an excellent problem-solver. I am, on a good day, marginally adequate at offering just sympathy. I'm really not the person for the job if someone wants to vent and cry and not do anything about the problem underneath it all.

Know your friends and their skills. Know what you need. Match accordingly.