Okay, Now I'm Asking For Me

[filkertom]

I really hate to do this.

You guys are all the best, most supportive, most wonderful fans any musician could want, and the best friends anyone could hope for. You have helped me when I've been down, and shared in my triumphs when I've been up, and kept me sane on this ludicrous adventure, and I love you all so much for that.

I do have the best job in the world. I do. But, in this economy, what I'm doing simply isn't paying off. This last year, financially, has been utter hell.

I am getting my ass kicked by bills right now. I'm trying to finish two songs so I will at least have rent paid, and they're not coming easily. Hell, I've been working on one for over two weeks now. So much for The World's Fastest Filker. I've only got three gigs between now and Memorial Day. I've been trying to get other gigs, and no one's calling me back. I'm waiting on frickin' TomBoat. I'm trying to get a handle on Herbert West, which has become the monster project from hell. I've got other stuff I want to write, but I have things I must get done, and they're all getting in each other's way.

I'm talking to a lawyer about trying, again, to get Social Security Disability income. No idea how long that will take. I already borrowed money from a good friend, and it's going to be awhile before I can pay that back. I thought it would be enough to get me through the month. It wasn't. I don't want to borrow anymore. I feel slimy doing so.

And, last night, I noticed a brand-new, lovely, wavy crack extending three-quarters of the way across my windshield. Looked a whole lot like a last straw.

I need help.

I know you guys are hurting as badly, or worse, than I am. And I wish I could do something about that as well. I feel miserable about asking this of you. But I need help.

If you can spare something, please, that would be excellent. And, in return, you can have all I have to give. This Donate button right here:

will take you to a special folder that has all of my albums and live shows. Same files, copied directly from the Double Secret merch folder. Download what you want, whatever you think is fair.

I am so sorry for asking this of you. I feel as if I've failed, big-time. And you have all given so much. But right now, I just can't do it alone. I'm sorry.

Thank you.

ETA: Oh my god.

I am flabbergasted by the help and support you are offering. I love you all so damn much. Thank you. Thank you.

ETA2: Again, thank all of you so, so much. My rent is paid, and I'm getting a handle on other stuff, and my nerves are still wracked but they're loosening to the point that the first song I must get done is making more sense now. Thank you, thank you.

In comments, I see that some people are not getting sent to the download folder. If you are one of those, PM me, and I'll PM you back with the URL.

ETA3: Okay, I'm good. :) No, really. I cannot thank you all enough. Your generosity is astonishing, and it will be remembered and returned. I'm going to keep the folder up for a week or two, in case anyone wants to download some more or you're on dial-up or somethin' like that. But you have helped more than you can possibly know, both financially and spiritually. So many thanks, so much love to you all.

Comments

[desert-dragon42.livejournal.com]

~hugs~ You should never feel bad about asking your friends for help. It's what we do. You've given so much joy with your music over the years. I think I've already purchased just about your entire catalog!

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

[hugs] Can't help it. I'm trying to make it on my own, really, and I know everyone's hurting. Thanks so much.

[rivkaesque.livejournal.com]

You helped me out a lot when I was hurting. You may not even remember this, but I first heard your music at a con that I had quite literally spent my last discretionary income for the quarter to go to. (Meaning, everything left was for food, rent, end electricity.) I told you after the concert how much I loved your songs, and asked if there was a way for me to order them once I got back on my feet. You told me to go ahead and download anything I could find for free, just purchase the songs once I had the money.
I did, and your songs helped cheer me up while I was jobhunting and failing to find anything.
I don't have much right now, but it seems only fitting you get my 'fun stuff' budget for the month. Good luck.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

I actually do remember that. :) And thank you so, so much.

[alverant.livejournal.com]

You haven't failed. You've given us so much over the years. I donated what was left my PayPal account and when the next infusion of cash arrives, I'll donate again. (I don't keep much money in there, enough to cover what I donate to podcasts.)

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Dude, just the fact that you care helps. Thank you very much.

[catsittingstill.livejournal.com]

I made a small donation and will check to see if I can donate more this month.

You've been making wonderful music, and I've gotten a lot of entertainment out of it. If I could give you what that entertainment has been worth to me, the bills wouldn't be a problem.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Oh, my dear. [hugs] Thanks a lot.

[ladypoetess.livejournal.com]

Signal boosted all over the place, in as many ways as I could think of. When I know what my budget will allow me to give, you'll have it.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

You're a darling, and thanks. [hugs]

winshield...

[hms42]

Do you happen to have glass insurance? (Its optional in NY and I am not sure what your state requires). They might cover that cost. (Ask, the worst they do is say no.)

Re: winshield...

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

I do not. There are a couple of places right down the road that should be able to fix it, though. I'll stop by later today.

[hms42]

I will signal boost this. (And a payment has been sent.)

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Harold, you are a wonder. And I don't think I show enough how I appreciate you. [big damn manly hugs] Thank you, my friend.

[tarsa.livejournal.com]

Tom, 2010 has been a living hell for a lot of folk, including jmthane and myself. After a three~year battle, sixteen months of those with an attorney, I *finally* was placed on SSDI. During that time, my wife lost her job twice. We had to beg money from several friends during that time, so I'm right there with you with feeling slimy asking for help repeatedly.

You *are* doing the best you can~~let your friends help you. From what I've observed of you over the years, you wouldn't hesitate to help them. Things will improve~~right now, you do what you need to do to help yourself. I just wish I had some $ to pay forward to you.

[elisabeth.livejournal.com]

I can echo this; my war for SSDI benefits pegged in at just over two years, all but the first three months with an attorney. In the interim I lost my home and most everything else I had of value. Don't give up, Tom... the battle IS winnable, it just takes persistence and some legal coaching. And time, lots and lots of precious, agonizing time. I'll lob what I can to you, certainly deserved for all the laughs your music and wit have provided.

[tandw.livejournal.com]

Donation coming, but I wanted to tell you why first. I think I first heard you at an OVFF...1987 or so? Maybe '88. Anyway, I remembered the name and the sense of humor, so I picked up the "Who Let Him In Here?" tape the first time I saw it, got "Domino Death" when it came out, and a couple of the early CDs. Then I gafiated for a while. Fast forward to a couple of years ago. I'm congoing again, this time with family in tow. My daughter hears you and is amused & entranced (can't imagine where she got her sense of humor from). She pulls out my old tapes & discs, doesn't quite wear them out, and now she and I sing your songs to each other. So this is payback for father/daughter bonding. Thank you.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :) It's scary how long I've been doing this -- I've mentioned that, a couple of years ago, a rather hot young lady carrying a baby told me she was raising the kid right, on my music -- just as she had been. Freaked me out slightly. [hugs]

[popefelix.livejournal.com]

ruisseau and I have been there before. We might well be there again. We're not there now, though, so we're glad to help.

You know, you've been part of our relationship since the very beginning (and at one point, I even commissioned a song as an anniversary present, if you recall). It's only right that we help you out when we can.

[popefelix.livejournal.com]

oh, and ruisseau and I still sing "Heat of the Blood" with each other. :)

[smallship1.livejournal.com]

Mite added. Will do more when I can.

You are an amazing writer and performer and a good friend. Anything more would be over-egging the pudding.

In other news, the TSD is still in remission, blast it.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

And you are a gentleman and a scholar, Zander -- thank you so much. [hugs]

[delazan.livejournal.com]

Dude, we all need help at one point or another in our lives. Besides, I owe you at least five bucks for all the enjoyment I've received from "Cat Macros" and your LJ posts over the years. I only can afford five bucks right now, but if I ever win the lottery or write a best seller, you are most certainly one of the people who will benefit.
-L.

[per_solo]

Tis funny...Tom's on my "Lottery" list too.

[per_solo]

Tom, you are wonderful, and I know you know this. As you said, times are rough for all, but we are a community, and all friends will do what they can.

I'm going to donate a little to the button above. I may snag an album. However, with your permission, I'm going to Podcast to boost the signal and include 3 songs from you. I figure that I want to show the range..so if you have 3 in mind, let me know. Otherwise, I'll go with something like "A Boy and His Frog", "Something Positive" (If that one is ok...I can see a few reasons it might not be), and...something. Along with a link to your this journal entry.

*HUGS*

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

[hugs] I'm very flattered, ace. And I thank you for the signal boost. Whatever three you think would work. You do know I'm not going to InCon this year (because of ConTata), right? However, I really want to be at DucKon.

[lothie.livejournal.com]

There's nothing wrong with asking for help, dude.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

[hugs] Yeah, but I try not to unless it's really bad. I've seen boy-who-cried-wolf and boy-who-mooched-until-it-hurt-and-beyond a few times too many. Thanks.

[shockwave77598.livejournal.com]

You introduced me to Reaper and how to get back into music again after a very very long absence. So this is for you in thanks for your time, creativity and willingness to help us newbs.

Don't ever change.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Well, clothing. ;) You're welcome, and thank you. (hugs)

That's what we're here for

[crysthewolf.livejournal.com]

Occasionally shit hits the fan. It happens. And with this crap economy, sometimes shit hits the fan HARD... and nasty and splattery. ;) You're one of my biggest inspirations for trying to do this music thing again (whether or not that's a compliment I'll leave up to you to determine, lol), and one of the most real examples of, yes, how difficult it can sometimes be to be self-employed. It's not all glitz and glamor but it's what we love. As S00j's LJ says, "I could be on the payroll, but I'm where I wanna be."

Didn't have much, but since I know every little bit helps... :) And I already hardly have any of your stuff 'cause I listen to Chris's collection. I'll grab some more albums when I have a bit more in the realm of cash flow. :) Also signal boosting.

Take care man. We'll all get through this shit-storm together.

Re: That's what we're here for

[crysthewolf.livejournal.com]

(Hm. I said shit an awful lot in that post huh?)

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

Dude. Like they said. This is what friends are for. You were a big part of 's and solarbird's fannish life when they lived back that way, and those two have contributed a TON to my musical life here.

This is just giving back.

And *nobody* can do it alone. A wise man once said, if we don't all hang together, then we shall surely all hang separately? And we *are* in the middle of a revolution.... just, one with less bullets, thanks Be. (annathepiper)

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

err, first link should be annathepiper... :(

[caligogreywings.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry to hear, and so sorry I just can't help right now. I'm pretty much in similar straits, except the crack has been there, and has just gotten larger. I've been job hopping, in fact, trying to find a place that won't screw me over.

Good luck to you though, and I'll be thinking good thoughts for what's it's worth.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

I'll take 'em, and thank you. [hugs]

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

Gack! I think we slashdotted PayPal... the button doesn't work. :(

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Aiee! What have I done!?

[poltr1]

I wish there was something I can do to help. But I'm in a similar bind myself.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

'Sokay, my friend. [hugs] Thanks for the good thoughts!

[susan-the-rogue.livejournal.com]

I haven't used my Paypal account in a long time, and I only have a very little amount in it....but it's yours, and I'll do more as soon as I get the chance.

There isn't really much I can say that hasn't already been said above, so I'm just going to say this: you are loved. :D

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

As are you. [hugs] Thanks so much.

[ladystarblade.livejournal.com]

I'll have to wait until payday, but in the meantime, don't ever feel ashamed of asking your friends for help. This is what we're here for, and we all love you. Things will turn around, they always will. Hang in there! *hugs*

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

I'm doin' my best, sweetie, and I love you too. [hugs] Thanks!

[mimiheart.livejournal.com]

Well, can't afford a lot, but your songs make me laugh, and I enjoy reading your lj every day, and we all need help now and then.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

You're a darling, and I thank you. [hugs]

It's not you

[pickledcritter.livejournal.com]

I said this in my paypal note, but I'll say it here - You have nothing to be sorry for. Blame the greedy bastard(s) who got our economy in this state in the first place...

I sure do...

I picked up a replacement for the Homecoming MarCon 2005 album I got from you at that following Archon. My original apparently fell out of the car door somewhere between here and Texas last year - thank you so much for the laughter (and the GOOD tears - A Boy and His Frog/Rainbow Connection on that album is absolutely transcendent...).

Re: It's not you

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Sigh. Thank you, my friend. [hugs] You do know you can burn it to CD for yourself as much as you need to, right?

[dysprog.livejournal.com]

I think that is inevitable that any one running a business on the "tip-jar" model will need to occasionally remind the customers/fans: "Hey, trying to make a living here!".

That said, I will be kicking in a good amount once I get home tonight. The chance to download "everything tom smith has done, ever" is too good to pass up, and I need to decide how much is a fair trade for that.

Interesting side effect of the "tip-jar" model though: There is an amount that I would be willing to pay for something in a "no dicker price tag" transaction, but if *I* choose the price I usually end up paying more then that. My inner conscience and fair play would rather over pay then underpay, while my shrewd customer insists on getting value for my $$$. "tip jar" puts my "fair play" in the drivers seat rather then "shrewd customer" by making ME think about what something is worth to me.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Many thanks, m'friend. It's sometimes tougher than others, and I try not to be gauche about asking for help. I'd rather be able to make it on my own -- for a few years there, I was able to -- but, at this moment, it's pretty ragged. And offering whatever I've got only makes sense to me -- I don't know what all everybody has, some folks have everything, and I at least want to make sure they've got digital copies. :)