Goodbye, Farewell, So Long Forever*

[filkertom]

Well, gang, it's been grand. But now it ends.

I've been making music, puns, and a general nuisance of myself for darn near twenty years now. And I think that, not only have I done everything I wanted to do and said everything I wanted to say, I've gone on way too long. And I think we can all agree my guitaring sucks anyway.

So, I'm packing it in.

This is my last post or update of any kind. I've already sold the guitar; tomsmithonline.com is available on eBay for a starting bid of ninety-nine cents. The back stock of albums will be distributed on freebie tables throughout midwestern Fandom (and I apologize, for numerous reasons, to those of you who were silly enough to actually pay for the darn things. Not that you're getting your money back).

What has led me to this, see, is that I've found God. A real God, a real macho God. He has shown me that I've been wrong about everything in my life, and I have to start fresh. So, I broke up nastily with Anne, told Les she was insane for talking to a stuffed bear, and had Da Bear exorcised to rid him of his evil demonic possession. I also flipped off my Mom and Dad, told my sister no one was going to look at her scripts and basically broke her down crying, and spread lies and innuendo about my brother and his family that have him under various and sundry civil and criminal charges it'll take months to unravel. But all that's good; my new God is happy with me.

So, I'm outa here. I wish I could say I liked all of you, or even some of you. But dealing with you on the 'net has been a big freakin' waste of time I could've spent worshipping or profiteering. I see that now. Still, while the musical/social part of my life is over, I imagine you'll see or hear from me now and then. Next time you see any black-and-white security camera footage of a major robbery or terrorist action, just look for the big fat guy in the impeccably tailored suit.

Go Bush/Cheney '04!

Comments

Har de har har

[oakianus.livejournal.com]

It's obviously time for me to go to bed, I actually hopped forward a bit in my seat when I read the first line and started to bite. *chuckle*

Re: Har de har har

[oakianus.livejournal.com]

And whatever happened to letting the amateurs play through? :p

[nelladarren.livejournal.com]

Right, it's 1st of April, I almost forgot!
:o)

O, The Angst

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

O, would that I, former herald of Galactus, could ignore such august circumstances! But, no; it ripples through my heightened senses like Ann Coulter through logic, facts, and grammar. Cannot I, the Silver Smither, weilder of the Power Comic, have but a moment's respite from these dire portents?

What's that? A whole 'nother year?

O, that I must wait a full span of the cycle of the sun before these weighty matters may be eased from mine troubled brow....

And a happy April Fool's Day to you too!

[joshbrown.livejournal.com]

You almost had me there ... almost.

Re: And a happy April Fool's Day to you too!

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

What's this "almost" stuff? For a good eighth of a second there, I owned you. And that eyeblink was all I really wanted. B-D

[sdorn.livejournal.com]

Oh, Tom, you're absolutely right. I've just tossed my guitars in the recycling bin, put my filk and folk albums in the trash, and shredded all of my songbooks to make doubly sure they can never be read again.

So, Tom, how much are you donating to Pat Robertson this year?

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm short of cash, but it turns out Pat needs a spleen or three -- he's going overboard on the bile....

[allisona.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reminding me that I better be a bit extra cautious in the classroom today :).

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Eeyup. As far too many teachers have discovered, it's Tacks time.

[braider.livejournal.com]

Happy April Fool's Day to you, too, silly.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Owtchie! I've been a-braid-ed. :) Hugs back atcha, kiddo.

[valkyrwench.livejournal.com]

Jeebus, you had me through the end of the first paragraph. Then I rememberd the date.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Goodness. I do seem to have you all going, don't I? I must use this power only for Good in the future.

[pocketnaomi.livejournal.com]

Once again, I seem to have Missed Out. I forgot the date but I *still* didn't believe you for a second, I just thought you were being satirical for no reason. That said, it's pretty good. :)

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well, I thought it was over-the-top as all hell, myself. The two big clues (besides all the obvious b.s. in the text) were the asterisk in the subject line and the progressive links still on the left side of the page.

(I blatantly stole the asterisk from those wonderfully bad automated e-mails which Guarantee* that You* have won something fantastic. I can only presume that the footnote for the latter is something like, "* for sufficiently large values of You".)

Ack!

[malkchild.livejournal.com]

Jumping Jesus on a Pogostick!!! Don't DO that!!! God, I hate April 1st...;)

Re: Ack!

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Ooga booga! :)

[jss]

Um, there's a trailing asterisk in the subject, indicative of a footnote or endnote, and yet the expected notation never appears. Tsk.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

For the completists and scholars among you:

* April Fool!

[mg4h.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Sure. Uh-huh.

Glad to find you just as you're disappearing - not!

Longtime fan ;)

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Oh, no, ya don't. I ain't goin' anywhere, and now neither are y- GET BACK HERE, YOU WINGED HELLMITE!

[filkerdave.livejournal.com]

As ever, you are the master of subtlety.

But if it wasn't for that picture of you on a date with Anne Coulter, I'd not have believed all of this.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

The only date I might possible have with Ann Coulter is... no. I can't think of anything funny or disgusting enough. Ann Coulter is really a piece of work, isn't she? I'm mortified that I share the same species with her, more or less.

[poltr1]

Who are you and what have you done with Tom?

(/me checks his calendar watch)

Oh. Never mind.

[maedbh7.livejournal.com]

Thank you :) -H...

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

It would serve you right if I pined away and died for want of any Light and Cheer in my life, now. Right now. I have an advanced degree in Pining, you know - with a specialization in wistful sighs, even.

:P

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Heaven forfend, dearheart. Although I've long been an admirer of your wistful sighs -- and everything above the wist, as well.

Besides, Light, Cheer, and several other fine detergents are available now at your friendly neighborhood Food Town.

Have you considered using your advanced degree in the, ahem, field of rental properties? Then you could be Pining for the fee-yards.

Retirement options

[(Anonymous)]

So, Tom... if you're retiring from the fast-paced, high paying filk job you should invest... I know I guy who could give you a great deal on a spagetti farm in Switzerland!
Capt. Video

Re: Retirement options

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

I dunno. I'm pasta my prime; I'll need all the Alp I can get.

[kightp.livejournal.com]

You are a bad, evil man.

And this is the first April Fool's joke that almost sucked me in this year. Even better than the LJ "stalking/stalkied by" gag.

I think it was the Bush/Cheney '04 bit that tipped me, though.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

That was the cherry on the whole thing. If you hadn't figured it out by then....

[teddywolf.livejournal.com]

*shakes head* Bad man, I knew it was false from the point where you said your guitar playing sucks :) (and pretty sure from you saying gone on way too long...)

You'll have to do better than *that*, me boyo! Now, if you'd said you'd been accepted to a Google lunar job...

[selenesue.livejournal.com]

If this is not an April Fools joke, I'm going to have to come out there and beat you SENSIBLE.

Susan Fox-Davis, lurking fan

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Control yourself, dear. All's well. But damn I got you all going, didn't I? Good thing I try to do this sort of thing only very occasionally, and very carefully.

[ororo.livejournal.com]

I've got a horse with a broken leg that's less lame than than post.

Oy

[dbcooper.livejournal.com]

Thank Heaven I have a desk calendar that reminds me what day it is. Oh, and was it you who posted the link to the Sloganator? If so, thanks!

[jkb.livejournal.com]

Glad to see the date *this* one was posted on. :) *whew*