Trivial Rant: The Last Of My Money WWE Will Ever See

[filkertom]

So, WWE gets nothing more from me. Nothing. Not a dime, not a web page hit. No. Thing.

My buddy Hal and I have been trying to get together for several weeks to go se a movie or something. Weather and circumstances kept getting in the way. We never got to Doom; he still hasn't made it to Chicken Little. Then we found out that a rasslin' pay-per-view, WWE Armageddon, was going to be broadcast tonight at the excellent Quality 16 Theaters here in Ann Arbor.

We did ECW One Night Stand here in June, as some of you may remember. Great time. So, even though I had some stuff to get done and I wasn't sure I wanted to stay out till 11:30, I let Hal talk me into it. It wasn't that tricky. Even though the main event is yet another attempt to make Randy Orton out to be somebody interesting, by having him face the Undertaker in a Hell In A Cell match.

(Interlude, so you understand that I was in a really good mood: Hal gave me the single best gift I have ever got from anyone. He spent two years making me a ukelele. The very first musical instrument he's ever made. Mahogany on spruce. It's simple, and it's beautiful, and I've got a ukelele. And I've got the bestest friend. I say this not merely to go whee I got kewl t0yz but to let you know that I was very willing to have a good time with the WWE tonight, which bluntly hasn't happened very often the past few years. Wrestlemania XX was the last unreservedly good WWE PPV I saw.

(So.)

So, the first match (Matt Hardy v. JBL) wasn't so great. Injury angle. Boring. Second, MNM v Mexicools, was much better, exciting and well-wrestled and a good story and Melina is frickin' hot. Benoit v. Booker T in a desperate attempt to regain the glory days of WCW(!) had Match 4 of their best-of-seven for the US title. Excellent action, satisfying ending (Booker won the first three matches thanks to interference from his beauty-queen wife Sharmelle, but tonight Benoit hung tough and is back in the series).

So we're doin' okay by now, right?

Then Teddy Long comes out with The Network Guy, who is so obviously going to be a wrestler soon it makes my teeth hurt. And TNG brings out Vito and Guido (Nunzio) as an evil Santa and an evil elf. Then out comes one of their new guys, the Boogeyman. Picture Papa Shango with Ahmed Johnson's physique. And he trashes evil Santa and evil Elf, and out of Santa's bag he pulls (I guess thanks to his mystical powers, or not) eighty gazillion live earthworms, a big handful of which he stuffs into Vito's mouth.

Hal looks at me. I look at Hal. He says, "The geek is back." We shrug with disgust, avoiding the endless replays. END IT, for god's sake.

Next match, handicap match the crowd was not that into. Not bad, just... filler.

And then we go to The Friendly Tap.

The Friendly Tap is supposedly a bar the WWE visits every time they're in Rhode Island. It's usually a bad sign. That was where they had a "Scott Hall falls off the wagon" angle, among others. It's owned by former WWE ref Tim White, who got a bad shoulder injury in a Hell In A Cell match a couple of years ago. Josh Matthews is trying to interview Tim, and every question he asks basically is "answered" by Tim staring at him bitterly and taking another drink. The crowd at the event (not our theater, but where the wrestling actually is, the Dunkin Donut Center in Providence) is laughing with every drink. After a few minutes, Tim finally talks, a drunken slur about how that match destroyed his life. He took out his frustration on his friends and family and customers, his wife left him, no one comes in anymore, and then other physical problems started... psoriasis, eczema, I.B.S. (which he was finally cajoled into spelling out, Irritable Bowel Syndrome). And then Josh, on behalf of the entire WWE, wishes him a White Christmas. Get it? White? (Josh actually says that.)

And Tim reaches under the bar and brings up a shotgun.

Josh immediately backs off. (Funny how the cameraman doesn't.) And then Tim takes the shotgun, exit stage left... Josh says, "What are you doing? Don't --"

KABLAM!

Josh has a grossed out look on his face. They cut back to the PPV. Tazz says, "Irritable bowel syndrome...?"

And then they go to the next match.

These insane fuckers just did a suicide angle.

Oh, yeah, that's why I slap down money for a rasslin' show.

Hal and I just kept looking at each other for a few minutes. He finally said, "You wanna leave?" And I said, "Oh, yeah."

And we left. And I told a manager, and filled out a comment card, and assured them it was not the theater I was angry with.

For years now, Vince McMahon has believed -- I think very wrongly -- that he is competing with TV drama. And so he encourages the most insane freakin' angles ever. Two words: Katie Vick.

But they just implied that a depressed and broken man blew his brains out off-camera -- and it was supposed to be funny.

This is nothing on the George W. Bush scale of global atrocities, all right? I know that. But, thanks to this, I am ashamed to be a wrestling fan. And WWE gets no more from me. Not a dime, not a web page hit.

No.

Thing.

Comments

[tashkal.livejournal.com]

And I thought Katie Vick was bad...

Well, okay, it was different bad, but still. Thankfully TNA has a weekly show now.

[wookiee71.livejournal.com]

Gawd! DAMN!! And I thought the JR rectal exam joke was a new low!

I've quit watching since that incident, but this cements my feelings forever and now precludes me to believe that anyone working for the WWE as any kind of performer is whoring themselves to the Devil, pure an fucking simple.

It's been my belief that Vinnie Mac has had it out for real wrestling fans for a long time. All he wants are those who look for the gross, stupid and absurd and oh yeah, may wanna see a match. "But what about this T & A right over here? Uh oh! Stupid joke ahead!"

Bleh! I take some solace in TNA wrestling, even though Jeff Jarrett is perfecting his HHH done better routine.

I wish there could be better promoted televised wrestling, but the sad state to us wrestling fans is that the heyday is gone and there's little left to satisfy, unless you go looking at deeper sources like ROH DVDs.

[minerva-fan.livejournal.com]

Personally, it pains me that I can even follow this--but what little credibility wrestling had went out the window when Vince McMahon got a monopoly on the industry by buying out the competition. I know the other guys weren't all that good, but at least WWF had somebody to keep ahead of. Now, it's just...unnerving. I'm sorry you wasted your money, but well, now you don't ever have to do it again, right?

[jadasc.livejournal.com]

You know... TNA is actually pretty good. :)

[naja-pallida.livejournal.com]

Its pretty good... until Jeff Jarrett opens his big mouth. Which unfortunately is half of their shows.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Like I say below: Midcard 4 Life.

[wwetuesday.livejournal.com]

Nothing is sacred to Vince Mcmahon. He's not above using someone's own personal life to make a buck. This isn't the first time they did a suicide angle, either.

7-or so-years ago, Road Warrior Hawk climbed the Titan Tron in a suicide attempt. The angle went that he was "accidentally" pushed off it by Droz.

Also, it was just a few weeks ago that they did an angle where they blew up Eddie Guerrero's lowrider. If that doesn't tell you that nothing is sacred to Vince McMahon, nothing will.

Tom, I strongly suggest a swich to TNA wrestling. They're no wehre near WWE as far as production value goes, and they tend to start and drop storylines at random, but the in-ring work is better then I've seen in the last few years from WWE.

If you can look past Jeff Jarrett as their World Champion, that is.

[redaxe.livejournal.com]

Damn. Last time I watched wrestling, Bruno Sammartino was still active and a big name. Got too busy to watch, and then no way (being unemployed).

I think I'm glad I quit :-)

[selenesue.livejournal.com]

What kind of sick coprolites could find humor there? What sheltered life these people must lead, who have never known someone who committed suicide. Who never sat with the grieving widow, never stayed up nights wondering what they could have done to save their friend from himself.

Pfui. You deserve better than that.

[cwsensation.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I saw it, and was truly disgusted. Honestly, I've seen them heading this way...what about Orton driving Taker through the SmackDown set and starting the car...EDDIE GUERRERO'S CAR...aflame?

TNA, all the way, folks.

--Jer

[unclelumpy.livejournal.com]

This isn't Wrestlecrap... It's crossed over all the way into Wrestleshit!

[cktraveler.livejournal.com]

It's the same problem I see fairly frequently these days. If you have no ideas and nothing to say, do something mindless and shocking. At least you'll get a reaction.

I must have dropped a few hundred dollars on PPVs and merchandise back in the day (still got my "I Am The Game" T-shirt, which I wear to gaming conventions) but I just kind of lost interest somewhere around 2001-2002. Too much shock humor and schlock soap opera, and too few good matches and interesting feuds.

I kept tuning in randomly every now and then, but after hearing this I think I'm going to stop. Sadly, the last time I did that was a few months ago, and I saw the Eddie Guerrero/Rey Mysterio feud over custody of Rey's son that nearly started me watching again.

I wonder if Vince McMahon will ever understand that simple interpersonal dramas like that are far more interesting than all the geekshows, sadistic humor and T&A he can dummy up.

[darkwolf69.livejournal.com]

Wow. I don't really know what else to say, other than that I find here a total disconnect with anything that I would find entertaining. And given that the target audience for Wrestling (IMO) is God Fearin' White Boys from the South, it's kind of amusing that this is a perfect example of "What Would Jesus Kick Your Sorry, Lame Ass For?" WWJKYSLAF: coming soon on t-shirts...

[janet-coburn.livejournal.com]

You were expecting taste and sensitivity from the WWE??!!!?

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Never. But neither was I suspecting the portrayal of a drunken, embittered man killing himself.

[monkey0science.livejournal.com]

I'm rather glad I'm not a wrestling fan...

Katie Vick?

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Long, ugly story. Short form: Necrophilia.

[brithistorian.livejournal.com]

I haven't watched wrestling regularly in years (not since Andre the Giant was alive), but the bits and pieces I've watched since then when hanging out with my nephews haven't really impressed me. Your rant here, and the comments to it, confirm my opinion that I haven't really missed much by missing out on the WWE.

What is this TNA that I've seen several people recommend to you? I'll be glad if there's a credible alternative to the WWE - I'm not a hardcore fan, but I like to tune in from time to time.

[wwetuesday.livejournal.com]

TNA is a wrestling orginization based out of Florida. TNA is short for Total Nonstop Action Wrestling. It's apart of the NWA (National Wrestling Alliance) and it's NWA's main orginization.

They film their shows at Universal Studios, the same place WCW used to tape some of their shows.

TNa has a one-hour weekly show airing on Spike TV every Saturday night at 11pm E/10pm C

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

My take on TNA, as many have recommended it: I'm quite familiar with the product. There is a lot of great action, with some fantastic atheletes, including A. J. Styles, Christopher Daniels, Samoa Joe, Sonjay Dutt, and some faces you'll recognize from WWE, such as Team 3D (the Dudleys), Christian, Konnan, Rhino, and, very soon now, Sting.

Unfortunately, they also have their fair share of bullshit. There's been a really tedious feud between Raven and GM larry Zybysco for months now. They've been booking Samoa Joe a bit too indestructible lately.

By far worst of all, though, is that the promotion is largely financed by Jerry Jarrett, and his son Jeff (you may remember Double J) is champion-in-perpetuity, much in the manner of Triple H. Thing is, while he apparently really does believe he's some kind of wrestling god, Jeff is and always has been Midcard For Life. He has neither the skills, the charisma, the ring savvy, nor the physique to justify his status, and the fans are sick of him. In a lot of ways, he reminds me of Lex Luger -- someone who technically had all the tools, but they just don't come together very well.

OVW is another conversation, but one mitigated by their being owned by WWE.

[unclelumpy.livejournal.com]

I used to do color commentary for Christopher Daniels' matches when he was wrestling in SoCal.

Even then, I knew he'd be huge one day.

[brithistorian.livejournal.com]

That sounds like it would be worth checking out. I'll have to keep it in mind if I happen to be around a TV at that time. Thanks.

[ladyskada.livejournal.com]

*chuckle* I'm afraid I haven't watched wrestling for a while. Not since a childhood buddy of mine who wrestled for them for a few years got injured and taken off the lists.