Dreams Of Noise

Yes, that's appalling, but why the religion tag? Santa's the secular symbol.

From:

kshandra

You musta missed the Baby Jeebus under the tree.

From:

filkertom.livejournal.com

Specifically, under the gun.

From:

My mistake, I thought it was just "any old baby".

It's not even a *good* nativityish scene.

From:

james-rayner.livejournal.com

That is even funnier than Steel Dakota and the Heavily Armed Houscat.

If you know what Im talking about, feel free to laugh, and wonder at the insanity of the world.

Me, personally, I've given up trying to take all of this seriously and relegated myself to laughing uproarously every time the current Christmas insanity comes up.

When I was buying my last preseant for my lovely mother, the clerk at the desk was looking at me and my heavily curly hair (It being rather flat against my head didnt help much. I actually looked stereotypically jewish for a while there. XP) and obviously was trying to decide what denomination I was, I grinned at the poor guy and said "Have a Happy holiday of your choice." And I sent him into fits of laughter. I think His manager wasnt big on it, but I do know I made the guys day. He told me so when I was walking back to my car. got a 10% off Cupon for it too. ^_^

From:

james-rayner.livejournal.com

I should note that I was at a Things Remembered (Great store for cool personalized stuff.), and the fellow in question was actually pretty nice all the way through. He did look new, though. Which might have caused the confusion. ;)

From:

capt-video.livejournal.com

Dear All,

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all...

...and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make this country great, (not to imply that this country is necessarily greater than any other), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)

Best Wishes,
Captain Video

Boy, do I wish I had actually written this...

From:

cwsensation.livejournal.com

Hey, when did Charlton Heston play Santa?

--Jer

From:

o/
Oh my heater has a first name, it's S-A-N-T-A
My heater has a second name, it's G-L-O-C-K
I hope he'll use it every day, and if you ask me why, I'll say
That Santa's heater has a way to kill the terrorists today.
o/

What an awful card...

From:

*chokes on the cookie she was munching on* Thank you ever so much... ^_^

From:

Up on the rooftop, blam blam blam...

From:

See, in the game of "let's see if we can make Shayla choke" you get two points, because I choked this time whilst not eating/drinking anything. Current score:

teddywolf 1

scruffycritter 2

From:

Do I really need to post a link to Mordor On My Mind?

From:

See, now I'm scared. *blinks*

FYI, "Let's See if we Can Make Shayla Choke" is an old game two of my best friends used to play, whenever we went out to eat. They had a knack for cracking terribly amusing jokes just as I was about to swallow a bite of food. The scoring system they developed accorded 1 point for each time they made me choke while I was eating, but 2 points for each instance during which I was not actively eating/drinking.

From:

Well, let me first link to a pun,, then the song, which is rather more sweet than uproarious and may get the bad taste of bad pun out of your mouth.

Tom, I hope you don't mind (it's your journal).

From:

Well, I didn't choke on either of those, though I did groan muchly at the pun(s). The song is rather sweet, and I think I am going to have it playing through my head for a while now... ^_^

From:

I'll try again!

From here

Teeth: You see, Clarice, the problem is that he isn't a real trans-fowl.
Janice: He's not?
Teeth: No, he was turned down from several programs.
Janice: So he's...trying to make himself a chicken suit!

====Scene moves to darkened basement=====

Gonzo: It rubs the lotion on its feathers or it gets the hose again!
Rizzo: Woof! Woof! Woof!

From:

I think I'm lucky that I'm too tired to choke. I did, however, laugh enough to scare my cat.

Your brain scares me, too, I think. ^_^

From:

Then my job is done here. :-)

I need to sleep now myself so I can be rested up enough to be up tomorrow. My goal is to report Santa for breaking and entering. If they catch him with a loaded firearm, it's a felony and I live close enough to school that the time is mandatory.

With any luck, Rudolph (Dasher's punk) will agree to testify in exchange for a plea down to accessory from aiding and abetting.

Failing that, I'll hack my state's sex offender's database and create a bogus child molesting conviction for him.

Then Ms Claus and I can get jiggy and head for the bahamas. Ye ghods is she something in a corset.

It's his own fault for spending too much time in the office.

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