Happy Frickin' Asinine Superstition Day

[filkertom]

Written a couple of years ago, in commemoration of the dozens of TV stations and networks who send their high-tech meteorological teams to balmy, sun-drenched Pennsylvania in early February to watch some yokel in an overcoat wake up a woodchuck.


Who Needs Groundhog Day?
Words: © 2004 by Tom Smith
Music: "Who Needs Sleep?" by Steven Page & Ed Robertson


Now I lay me down not to sleep
Amid these Pennsylvania geeks,
The entertainment value's cheap,
But what the hey, it fills my cheeks.

I'll never understand this thing,
It's only halfway till the spring,
A hundred news teams come each year
To watch my blurry vision clear.

Woke up, I'm out of luck,
They pick me up,
The only thing that counts is
Where the light is,
My head's down, I look around --

(I need sleep)
Well, I'm never gonna get it
(I need sleep)
Not on Groundhog Day
(I need sleep)
They say if I see my shadow
They'll be six more weeks
Of winter on the way.

There should be anti-cruelty laws,
You're lucky I've got soft, pink paws.
The Weather Channel touts its tech,
Then airs this superstitious dreck.

A big guy, in a tux
Got ahold of me,
Maybe if I pee
He'll let me go,
It's worth a try, I wanna die --

(I need sleep)
Well, I'm never gonna get it
(I need sleep)
Not on Groundhog Day
(I need sleep)
They say if I see my shadow
They'll be six more weeks
Of winter on the way.

(I need sleep)
Tell me, what's the fascination
(I need sleep)
With rodent folklore?
(I need sleep)
Between lemmings and beavers,
If a woodchuck could chuck,
He'd chuck it out the door.

There's so much money spent predicting
Weather nowadays,
But all that scientific data's
Vanished in the craze,
There's Doppler Radar, lake effect, heat
Index and wind chill,
So why are all these morons here with
Punxsutawney Phil?

Woke up, I'm out of luck,
They pick me up,
The only thing that counts is
Where the light is,
My head's down, I look around --

Badger Badger Badger!

(I need sleep)
Well, I'm never gonna get it
(I need sleep)
Not on Groundhog Day
(I need sleep)
I get the blame, not the credit, and
What in the hell is
"Punxsutawney" anyway?

(I need sleep)
Well, I'm never gonna get it
(I need sleep)
Not on Groundhog Day
(I need sleep)
They say if I see my shadow
They'll be six more weeks
Of winter on the way.

(Repeat and fade)

Comments

[ozfuture.livejournal.com]

Heh, very nice, ill buy that for a dollar

[romlc475.livejournal.com]

Poor Phil (and in our locale, Buckeye Chuck).

I wanted to sleep in this morning, too, but the allure of jury duty dragged me kicking and screaming out of the confines of drowsiness and into the shower this morning...sigh...

[chirosinger.livejournal.com]

Wait just a minute. Whan a groundhog and his shadow tells me that us Minnesotans are gonna have only 6 more weeks of winter, you gotta love that groundhog! Imagine.....Spring in March!

[crwilley.livejournal.com]

Meanwhile, I was thinking, "If we get six more weeks of winter like we've got this year, would anyone notice and/or care?"

[gypsy1969.livejournal.com]

It should only apply to your local groundhog. So for Minnesotans the weather should be predicted by a local groundhog. For us in the southern midwest, or at least me, I'd go by my groundhog in my back yard. Of course I didn't see him today. I haven't seen him since fall as a matter of fact even though this has been a mild, mild (and totally weird) winter.

I know.. Winter in Minnesota lasts 10 months.

[chirosinger.livejournal.com]

All of our ground hogs are hiding out from the "cold" (it's unseasonably warm up here this year). And our winters are typically 5-6 months long. Of course, our summers are also 5-6 months long. We usually blink and miss spring and fall.

Be charitable!

[capplor.livejournal.com]

If you lived in Punxutawney, what ELSE would there be to be proud of? It's not as if they ran fire sirens to be sure you didn't miss the event (at least not as far away as Pittsburgh.)

Re: Be charitable!

[delayra.livejournal.com]

Well, there's the fact that one of the best movies out there was set in Punxutawney! Bill Murry will never get old (at least in that movie)

Re: Be charitable!

[ddrussianinja.livejournal.com]

They didn't shoot on location in Punxutawney actually.

Still, that is a fantastic movie.

Oh, and leave the groundhog alone. He has no clue what's going on, all he knows is that they pick him up, there's a lot of noise, and then he gets a lot of food. It may be stupid, but I don't think there's anything bad about it.

That's a cute song though.

Re: Be charitable!

[capplor.livejournal.com]

No, it wasn't shot in Punxutawney, but at least it was in the right climate/culture etc. I think it was Indiana (I looked when I saw the movie, but that was a long, long, time ago), but the houses & vegetation looked GOOD for where it was supposed to be.

[sydb42.livejournal.com]

Yesterday, I did a "lesson" with Scout on Groundhog's day (she was less than impressed, btw). In the middle of explaining about the shadow (or lack thereof), I realized I didn't want this to be something she actually believed in, so I told her that it wasn't really true, that it was just something fun that people do. I hadn't even thought about it from the perspective of the poor groundhog. ;)

[admnaismith.livejournal.com]

Ahhhh, it's no stupider than a Bush State of the Union Address.

[jss]

So let me get this straight. The groundhog comes out of his burrow, and if he sees his shadow we've got six more weeks of winter, and if he doesn't see his shadow we've got a month and a half.

[peteralway.livejournal.com]

That's what I taught my astronomy students yesterday.

[andpuff.livejournal.com]

The beloved and I were talking about this over breakfast -- six more weeks of winter will take us to about March 15th.

And then we had pretty much exactly the reaction that chirosinger had. Winter ending in mid-March? Woo hoo!

Like the song a lot though. Especially like that you got the wood chuck chucking bit in. *g*

[bald-ruminant.livejournal.com]

Winter, winter... I think we missed having one of those here in Houston this year.

Am I just dense?

[janet-coburn.livejournal.com]

I don't see the connection between groundhogs and creationism/religion. AFAIK, the groundhog superstition was a piece of rural folklore, not a church doctrine.

Re: Am I just dense?

[unclelumpy.livejournal.com]

I think the point he's trying to make is that there is no piece of myth or superstition that is so utterly rediculous, illogical, irrational or cockamamie that the average American will not readily and desperately cling to it to spare him from the horrors of thought and education.

In other words "America: Dense and Proud of it!"

Re: Am I just dense?

[janet-coburn.livejournal.com]

You mean to say that you think anyone in America actually *believes* the groundhog prediction thing? It's a hokey tradition and a tongue-in-cheek survival of a quaint piece of weather lore. But an actual belief? I doubt it.

Re: Am I just dense?

[janet-coburn.livejournal.com]

That is to say, it's a bit of a stretch from groundhogs to creationism.

Re: Am I just dense?

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

It is indeed the reverence of mythology. Hokey tradition? Tongue-in-cheek survival of a quaint piece of weather lore? Do the math: How much airtime was used, that could've been spent reporting, y'know, news? How much did it cost in time and money to transport all those weather teams there? And how many people could that money have fed or clothed or kept warm?

We're talking millions, every year.

Re: Am I just dense?

[janet-coburn.livejournal.com]

So berate the media for reporting non-news if you like. Given your rants on how most of what they report is bullshit anyway, that is a valid point (even if you do seem to be swatting flies with a pickax). But don't tell me you think that the news people would have actually spent that money to feed, clothe, or shelter anyone if they hadn't gone to PA.

Sorry, dear, I'm just a little crankier than usual today.

[ash-blackwell.livejournal.com]

But I /want/ 6 weeks more winter (I'll even take 6 months more winter! That means less Summer here in the desert Southwest!) O};->>

[gpeefalt.livejournal.com]

Methinks Tom needs to shift his vitriol a bit.

[youngcurmudgeon.livejournal.com]

... I may have commented on this before, but your icon. DUDE. Your icon.

~continues staring~

[gpeefalt.livejournal.com]

I can't take credit for the icon, only for stealing it. THIS one, however, I made.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Howcomewhyfor? :)

[gpeefalt.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't classify Groundhog Day as an Asinine Superstition, just a national tradition along with April Fool's Day. I think its a good diversion from the reporting of the Madness of King George.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Ummm... that was kinda my point.

[gpeefalt.livejournal.com]

I read your statement as being that it was a pointless and wasteful diversion, while I claim it's a tradition that is nice to cover every year.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Eeyup. Sounds about right.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

When I was a kid we learned if he saw his shadow there were six more weeks of winter.

If he didn't see his shadow there were 42 more days of winter.

[jss]

Which makes me think of Easter, which commemorates when Jesus rolled back the rock and left the cave, and if he sees his shadow....

[capt-video.livejournal.com]

Sorry, Tom. Usually I'm right with you, but I gotta go with the "silly but harmless" crowd. No one over five years of age actually believes in this, the media is not going to spend that budget for the common good, or even for reporting real news. Yes, I feel sorry for the groundhog, dragged out of his nice, warm bed for the sake of a bunch of businessmen playing dress-up, but how much tourist revenue do you think Punxsutawney gets out of the whole groundhog thing? After all, what else is there to do in Punxsutawney?

FWIW

[capplor.livejournal.com]

I've heard that "Phil" is a puppet. It's not as if he's been around since 1887, or whenever they started reporting on him in particular.