Remembering Lawrence King

[filkertom]

huskiebear just told me about something I hadn't heard about, or if I did it didn't register. Something she saw on Ellen.

Something horrible.

It's about a fifteen-year-old kid in Oxnard, CA named Lawrence King. Friends called him Larry. He was openly gay, and it's been reported that he sometimes "dressed in a feminine manner". It seems as if, in anticipation of Valentine's day, he told another male student, Brandon McInerney, that he had a crush on him.

Four days later, McInerney shot Larry in the head.

There are, of course, tributes and presidential candidate statements and religious controversy (read the comments section of that last one -- it's absolutely fascinating, and more than a little revealing about the conflict within the Catholic community). But one thing I noticed which hit me a little hard... something which already influenced me awhile back, and which steered the lyrics of one of my songs.

Lots of people are talking about "tolerance".

And RIGHT FUCKIN' THERE is the problem.

I can't remember where I saw this, it's not an original thought with me, but... you tolerate something which is wrong. The word "tolerance" itself implies the wrongness.

And, goddammit, it is not wrong to be gay.

It is not wrong to have a crush on somebody.

It is beyond wrong, certainly inclusive of wrong but also way the hell beyond, to commit violence on someone for having a crush on you. Or just being gay. Or "dressing in a feminine manner".

Again and again and again we go over this, a zillion times and more, played out like consecutive train wrecks. Unless you are their partner, someone else's sexual choices do not affect you in any way. (If you feel compelled to say What if it's a stalker or a rapist or a child molester? I'll metaphorically smack you upside the head. Those are crimes of violence and power and control and terror.) If someone tells you they have a crush on you, and you don't return it, you say, "I'm sorry, I don't feel that way." Or, if you're a fourteen-year-old boy, maybe you freak out, or maybe not, or maybe you discover something about yourself, maturity, sexual identity, humor, who knows.

You do not go get a gun and shoot the person in the head.

The word is not "tolerance". It's "acceptance". People are different, and unless their differences directly affect you it's not your problem.

But no. Two lives, two families are destroyed. Because somebody taught Brandon McInerney to hate.

This is the greatest reason to fight for gay/lesbian rights, for acceptance. Because "tolerance" may be better than outright hatred, but it's nowhere near enough. And it's getting too easy for some people to commit violence on others because of differences, real or perceived. People have to be shown that the differences are not that different, or not that important, or not anybody else's business.

Rest in peace, Larry, and condolences to your family and friends. May some good come from your tragic loss.

ETA: fixing up the wording here and there.

ETA 2: Adding a link to a report at Think Progress about the Ellen episode. Goddamn it, I wept.

Comments

Another thing, or something like that

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

After I had managed to fight down my anger and distress over this whole situation, I managed to get in to read some of the "religious controversy" opinions. I am sorry I did. I have felt more and more over the years that hating people for being gay or bisexual is like hating me for having O negative blood. (I do have O negative blood, you know, and I am not ashamed of it, and it is never going to change.) There are opinions out there that encourage me to be really, really angry, and the religious beliefs behind those opinions (notably, that a truly loving God would want His children to be bigots) makes them worse, not better. By the way, filkertom: I was the best chess player in my (small) high school. I won't challenge you to a game, though, as I have played only four or five games in the last 40 years and no longer enjoy it.

Nate

Re: Teachers

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Those comments are extremely telling to me, because they're about half and half: you've got a bunch of people defending the Gays Ar Teh EVEL line, and the rest saying You idiots are exactly the problem. What I see is twofold -- there's a lot to be hopeful for, and there are some people who you just can't get to, which is why we have laws defending people from shit like this.

And, I was really hot stuff back in high school, Nate, but I haven't played a game in years and years. Not even against the computer. I was thinking about picking up the latest version of Chessmaster, just for old times' sake.