Remembering Lawrence King

[filkertom]

huskiebear just told me about something I hadn't heard about, or if I did it didn't register. Something she saw on Ellen.

Something horrible.

It's about a fifteen-year-old kid in Oxnard, CA named Lawrence King. Friends called him Larry. He was openly gay, and it's been reported that he sometimes "dressed in a feminine manner". It seems as if, in anticipation of Valentine's day, he told another male student, Brandon McInerney, that he had a crush on him.

Four days later, McInerney shot Larry in the head.

There are, of course, tributes and presidential candidate statements and religious controversy (read the comments section of that last one -- it's absolutely fascinating, and more than a little revealing about the conflict within the Catholic community). But one thing I noticed which hit me a little hard... something which already influenced me awhile back, and which steered the lyrics of one of my songs.

Lots of people are talking about "tolerance".

And RIGHT FUCKIN' THERE is the problem.

I can't remember where I saw this, it's not an original thought with me, but... you tolerate something which is wrong. The word "tolerance" itself implies the wrongness.

And, goddammit, it is not wrong to be gay.

It is not wrong to have a crush on somebody.

It is beyond wrong, certainly inclusive of wrong but also way the hell beyond, to commit violence on someone for having a crush on you. Or just being gay. Or "dressing in a feminine manner".

Again and again and again we go over this, a zillion times and more, played out like consecutive train wrecks. Unless you are their partner, someone else's sexual choices do not affect you in any way. (If you feel compelled to say What if it's a stalker or a rapist or a child molester? I'll metaphorically smack you upside the head. Those are crimes of violence and power and control and terror.) If someone tells you they have a crush on you, and you don't return it, you say, "I'm sorry, I don't feel that way." Or, if you're a fourteen-year-old boy, maybe you freak out, or maybe not, or maybe you discover something about yourself, maturity, sexual identity, humor, who knows.

You do not go get a gun and shoot the person in the head.

The word is not "tolerance". It's "acceptance". People are different, and unless their differences directly affect you it's not your problem.

But no. Two lives, two families are destroyed. Because somebody taught Brandon McInerney to hate.

This is the greatest reason to fight for gay/lesbian rights, for acceptance. Because "tolerance" may be better than outright hatred, but it's nowhere near enough. And it's getting too easy for some people to commit violence on others because of differences, real or perceived. People have to be shown that the differences are not that different, or not that important, or not anybody else's business.

Rest in peace, Larry, and condolences to your family and friends. May some good come from your tragic loss.

ETA: fixing up the wording here and there.

ETA 2: Adding a link to a report at Think Progress about the Ellen episode. Goddamn it, I wept.

Comments

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

Trans Florida Teen Shot (http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/broward/sfl-flbteenmurder0223sbfeb23,0,6177964.story?track=rss)

Tom, you really think I exaggerate when I say a sizeable minority wants gay people dead, and the vast majority really wouldn't care or even notice if all the gay folks vanished?

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Yes, I do. For two reasons, one tangible and one not.

The tangible one is that we hear about the worst of the events. I honestly think that most people don't think about gay people much, unless they know some, which bluntly there's a good chance they do. There's a good chance there's one in most families; certainly most people have gay friends. They may not know that they're gay, for whatever reason, but they know the people. And, surprise! They're no different, except for which team they feel attracted to.

We hear about the acts of violence, the deranged nutbars that have decided they are personal weapons of God or cleaning up the gene pool or striking down the mutant or whatever. And I'm sure there are many smaller-scale incidents we don't hear about. But there are many, many more days when the millions and millions of gay people in this country manage to get along just fine with their straight counterparts, and vice-versa, and nobody gets bludgeoned or dragged behind a truck or anything.

Given the chance and the choice -- and that part is important, because of the political and spiritual "leaders" who try to railroad people into stampedes, and thus take choice away from them -- people tend to leave other people alone. No harm, no foul.

And my sincere belief in that, my hope that I'm not fooling myself too badly on that score, is the other reason. Because if I didn't believe that people are basically reasonable and fair, with some obvious exceptions by way of doctrine or stupidity or agenda or whatever, I don't know that I could make it through the day.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

http://www.hrw.org/reports/2001/uslgbt/
The vast majority of GLBT teens experience verbal harassment.
A majority experience physical violence.
And that's just at school.

We're not counting parents who throw their kids out.
The National Gay and Lesbian task force estimates that there are 500,000 GLBT teens who are throw-away kids.
We had a kid in our local theater community who couch surfed between three of us for about 2 months before his parents took him back.

For some people, they can see a person they've known all their life and the minute that person comes out, they go from "my kid" to "target."

It's like "The Lottery" or the Green and Purple Drazi ep of B5.

I feel strongly, being the mother of a bisexual child who was outed at 13 and has been viciously harrassed by her peers to the point of hospitalization.