Best Spam Of The Morning

[filkertom]

In retrospect, I can't believe it's taken this long in Internet time for me to get something like this:

"Old Witchcraft Secrets" will show you in detail, how you can cast powerful spells.

Make your wildest dreams come true.

It's NOT your fault that your spells and rituals aren't turning out like you want... YET.

The truth is... you've been misled by self-proclaimed powerful wizards and witches...
and the truth is that 99% of these 'professionals' are DEAD WRONG!

In fact, a lot of what they say will actually diminish your powers.

They don't want you to know the right way to cast spells because if you did, you'd never need
them again and they would lose their power!

You cannot invent 'new' spells like you cannot invent a new tree. Everything is old. But
not everything is known in the right way.

Get 3 Spells just for visiting our site

As you know, many witches and wizards are FURIOUS about this. Why?

Because it reveals the true forgotten secrets of witchcraft. Secrets more powerful than what they
can do through their very expensive services...

Soon, everybody will be able to do this at home,
more effectively, cheaper and faster....

You've seen some ridiculous prices on the internet for
getting a spell done. It's obvious they are
getting rich off of normal people and their problems...

Once you know their secrets, you won’t need to give them your money!

I've personally tested this information, and some of the
old forgotten stuff is mind blowing: it's accurate, effective
and quite easy to do.

Discover The Most Powerful Spells and Secrets

_________________________
To stop receiving announcements

Old Witchcraft
642 Main Street
Chalestown, Nevis, Saint Kitts Nevis

Really, Harry and Hermione could've found it while researching horcruxes.

Any laughers in your filter?

Comments

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Rilly. I can't think of a single pagan or pagan sympathizer I know who wouldn't go through pretty much that exact sequence. (Being a pagan sympathizer, I did, but I wasn't dumb enough to click on even an amusing spam link. [The link I included above was not in the original message, but is to the Wikipedia page for Saint Kitts-Nevis, so that we can all learn a little bit of geography today.])

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

One gets you ten that the real purpose of it is a phish. Most of them are, these days.

[nimitzbrood.livejournal.com]

Does that make them Phishwitches? ;-)

*apports*

[bryanp.livejournal.com]

I can so see this as a Billy Mays infomercial pitchline.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Oh jeez, that'd be hilarious. Where did they find that guy!?

[dornbeast.livejournal.com]

No, Billy Mays would sell potions.

"Or you can MAKE IT INTO A PASTE, and you'll MAKE IT TEN TIMES AS POWERFUL!"

[redaxe.livejournal.com]

Not spam, but this bit of needs-proofreading I just saw amuses the hell out of me.

[amazingadrian.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's pretty...yeah.

[amazingadrian.livejournal.com]

What I find pretty amusing is that they talk themselves into a corner on the very same advertisement.

As you know, many witches and wizards are FURIOUS about this.

"So any day now, you guys are gonna get hexed to oblivion, huh?"

They has a Hammer . . .

[robin-june.livejournal.com]

. . . and paganism is just another nail.

I've never received religious spam before, but by scanning the structure of the sales pitch above, I see the same techniques, arguments, and pressures that have slid through my inboxes for decades. Exactly! Sheesh!

Spam: its return on distribution investment is R-selected, scattershot, and probably at a payoff rate of 0.0001%. If it wasn't so cheap to disseminate . . .

Re: They has a Hammer . . .

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

It's things like this that make me start thinking that charging for email wouldn't be so bad, if it was above, say, 100 messages a day outgoing or so.

But then I think that it would swiftly degenerate into the same issues that phone contracts have with messages and whatnot - everyone would offer something slightly different, and the number of freebies would eventually be worn away to zero.

Which isn't to say that if I ran an ISP I wouldn't have a free-email cap to slow the spammers down. Plus run tarpits and offer free optional greylisting etc...

[saganth.livejournal.com]

I'm reminded of a bit from the recurring "Pit of Ultimate Darkness" sketch on "The Kids In The Hall" with the wacky evil host and his manservant Hecubus:

"Did you know you could summon up the powers of darkness in the comfort of your own home? It's true! All you need is common household baking soda, white vinegar and... GOAT'S BLOOD."

[hamadryad.livejournal.com]

Eeeevil! EEEEEEEVIL!!!!!

[mamadeb.livejournal.com]

You're reading Filch's email?

[vixyish.livejournal.com]

That's where I went, too. Kwikspell Course!

[voxwoman.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's Bodgan and Giancarlo!!! I've been getting their spam for months now. I signed up under a false name, just to see where they were going with this. It's hysterical, really.

(why, yes, I'm also a witch)

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[purpleranger.livejournal.com]

Haven't seen anything that even comes close to this.

[batyatoon]

Best spam subject heading I've seen in a long time:

"Aliens Abducted By Michael Jackson."

[kengr]

Well, there's this new set of annoying ones that claim to be news updates. The "headlines" at the start of the message bodies are usually pretty WTF. But yesterday I got the silliest/weirdest one ever:

Sperm flavored cocaine all the rage in LA

Just did a google search and Oh My God!!!

http://digg.com/comedy/Sperm_flavored_cocaine_all_the_rage_in_LA

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[ardent-firesong.livejournal.com]

BWUAHAHAHA!!!!

*ahem* Sorry. That was my first reaction. And my second....and my third. My fourth is bordering on pity for the poor, misinformed people who actually buy into this shit, partially because of the money and time they lose, and partially because it is possible to stir up Otherworldly Badass Shit without meaning to. My fifth....

BWUAHAHAHA!!!!

[connor-campbell.livejournal.com]

oh, the idiocy...