Sex Lives Of The Spammers

[filkertom]

Time once more for the Bad Spam of the Week. Got a two-fer for ya:

• Are you tired of staring at Playboy trying to cause erection?
• Wanna hold a brick on your dick? Try our Soft Cialis Tabs. (Warning: don’t try it).

What's been your favorite?

Comments

[jrittenhouse.livejournal.com]

I was never that good about dealing with the idea of hanging my socks or something from it, let alone a *brick*, so...

[nelladarren.livejournal.com]

And what for, too... :o)
I just imagined someone without hands using his penis as a lever to move stuff - like people painting with their mouths or toes...
"I'm a skilled mason and since I lost both arms in an accident I found a way to stay employed! Cialis Tabs helped me to make ends meet again! (...)" :o)

[pixel.livejournal.com]

"I got one yesterday from a british domain adress claiming to be a japanese banker trying to find somonne to claim money deposited by an Iraqi buisnessman.

Right..."

[poltr1]

Haven't seen it recently, but Steve Brinich received one that said "Are you looking at old porn?" I didn't even know it had a shelf life!

[hawklady.livejournal.com]

"NO CLASSES NO TESTS!! Earn the pretitious degree you deserve in LESS A WEEK!"


(original spelling and grammar -- or lack thereof -- kept intact)

This would be so much less of a classic if they'd left off the "you deserve" buzzphrase.

[ericcoleman]

Just got it ... for an enlargement pill

"Ron Jeremy Use It"

[wildcard9.livejournal.com]

You can't forget the spam subject line that inspired a Spamusement and a hit song on Dr Demento:

You were wrong, Cabinet Sanchez!

And yes, I did get that spam before either the cartoon or the song were created. Too bad I did not save it so I could remember what it was trying to sell me.

[darrenzieger.livejournal.com]

Lately, I've been getting sex spam with innocuous subjects, or no subjects at all, but with contents like this....

"'Wait a moment, though! ' said the old Ivan severely to the new Ivan in a voice that was not exactly inside him and not quite by his ear. ' He did know in advance that Berlioz was going to have his head cut off, didn't he? Isn't that something to get upset about? ' 'What do you mean? ' objected the new Ivan. ' I quite agree that it's a nasty business--a child could see that. But he's a mysterious, superior being--that's what makes it so interesting. Think of it--a man who knew Pontius Pilate! Instead of creating that ridiculous scene at Patriarch's wouldn't it have been rather more intelligent to ask him politely what happened next to Pilate and that prisoner Ha-Notsri? And I had to behave like an idiot! Of course it's a serious matter to kill the editor of a magazine. But still--the magazine won't close down just because of that, will it? Man is mortal and as the professor so rightly said mortality can come so suddenly. So God rest his soul and let's get ourselves another editor, perhaps one who's even more of a chatterbox than Berlioz!' After dozing for a while the new Ivan said spitefully to the old oqrn smrmr p smsjr fuisisnsm stsjomso sj s g ukplpr p pqi uj toun nopsplps pjphtg qiqtqu hm mjl hm omfmrmf mkmr knm tmm mp m km gifmrjujr mih fh qhiis hgiqf phrhghr h m himtihisit sdjksdfsdfsdlgkj sdflkjsdf lksdjfsdfsdf"

....followed by an ad (image) saying "How to Make your orgasms longer!" and an URL. I guess the random(?) text (and an image named "801.jpg") gets the mail past the spam filters.

(5 minutes later...)

It gets better...

Actually, a bit of web research reveals that the text is not random, but an excerpt from the english translation of a novel called "The Master and Margarita" by Mikhail Bulgakov. I am not familiar with Bulgakov, but here's an excerpt from the editorial review of the book on Amazon.com:

"Surely no stranger work exists in the annals of protest literature than The Master and Margarita. Written during the Soviet crackdown of the 1930s, when Mikhail Bulgakov's works were effectively banned, it wraps its anti-Stalinist message in a complex allegory of good and evil. Or would that be the other way around? The book's chief character is Satan, who appears in the guise of a foreigner and self-proclaimed black magician named Woland. Accompanied by a talking black tomcat and a "translator" wearing a jockey's cap and cracked pince-nez, Woland wreaks havoc throughout literary Moscow. First he predicts that the head of noted editor Berlioz will be cut off; when it is, he appropriates Berlioz's apartment. (A puzzled relative receives the following telegram: "Have just been run over by streetcar at Patriarch's Ponds funeral Friday three afternoon come Berlioz.") Woland and his minions transport one bureaucrat to Yalta, make another one disappear entirely except for his suit, and frighten several others so badly that they end up in a psychiatric hospital. In fact, it seems half of Moscow shows up in the bin, demanding to be placed in a locked cell for protection."

More here (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0679760806/sr=8-1/qid=1143844713/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-4030288-4733662?%5Fencoding=UTF8).

And here's his Wikipedia Entry (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mikhail_Bulgakov).

Well, the spammers may not have gotten me to view their porn, but I may just have to read the novel :)

Also, I'm going to check though my junk mail folder to see if the other mail I've gotten using this ploy has excerpts from anything else interesting. If so, I'll follow up.

follow-up

[darrenzieger.livejournal.com]

Just checked my junk mail. All of the other similar spams have further excerpts from the same novel.

Fascinating.