Fun Spam Subject Line Of The Week

[filkertom]

Do you really want to take stck [sic] tips from someone advising that "it's a winer"?

Got any good spam today?

Comments

[que-sara-sara.livejournal.com]

When I opened up my Outlook at work today the first line of the first message read:

I'm ready to kill myself and eat my dog.

What this has to do with the cost of my perscriptions I'll never know (all hail the amazing $5 co-pay!) but there it was.

[jss]

... kill myself and eat my dog

If the original sender killed himself first, he'd be unable to eat his dog. Shouldn't that be "eat my dog and kill myself"?

[que-sara-sara.livejournal.com]

You'd think. But this particular sending also felt the need to add a note at the bottom:

PS Both the dog and I are still alive.

Um.... duh?

[jss]

That lying rat bastard. First he says he's gonna kill himself, then he fails to follow through? What a schmuck.

[que-sara-sara.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but if he hadn't followed through I would never have gotten the message.

[jss]

The first one, maybe ("I'm ready to..."). But certainly never any followups.

[que-sara-sara.livejournal.com]

This is true, but then I would have worried about the dog. Poor puppy. There's no telling if the guy even knew how to prepare him!

[jss]

True. So many don't bother to prepare and use the wrong herbs and spices and the wrong cooking methods for the meat. Shocking, I tell you.

[que-sara-sara.livejournal.com]

And its really all in the way you prepare it. If you use too much wasabi you can't taste anything else.

[jss]

Yeah. Rubbed with garlic and sage, pan-seared, then oven-roasted at moderate temperature until it's perfectly tender. Served with couscous, perhaps?

[que-sara-sara.livejournal.com]

Oooo..... that sounds good. I'm going to be getting hungry now. Unfortunately its too wet out there right now for me to go forraging for food.

[jss]

Last week I roasted a chicken (salt, pepper, lemon, garlic, thyme) and red potatoes (salt, pepper, thyme) and garlic. The chicken itself was 3 meals (2 dinners and a lunch), and the carcass got turned into stock (about half of which got used in the rice for meals the rest of the week). Yum.

[que-sara-sara.livejournal.com]

Oh, but that sounds good.

I'm bad. I live by myself and I don't hardly cook. Its just me and I can be just as happy eating Trader Joe's insta-food. Pop it in the microwave and you don't have to think about it.

One of these days I'll work on changing that, just don't ask me when.

[jss]

I live by myself too, but I make one serves-3-to-4 dinner and eat it for the week, changing out sides as needed. For example, this week's dinner was the 1+lb. pork loin, rubbed with olive oil, kosher salt, fresh black pepper, and fresh thyme (left over from the aforementioned roast chicken), roasted on top of a bed of chopped vidalia onion and peeled whole cloves of garlic. That was dinner Monday through Wednesday nights (with corn on the cob Monday and Tuesday, and wild rice Wednesday, and extra onions/garlic roasted up as the week progressed).

Tonight's dinner is leftover spaghetti from Sunday night. I have no clue what I'm doing for dinner Friday night yet.

[que-sara-sara.livejournal.com]

Well, if you ever want to come to Michigan and cook, feel free. Monday I went by my parent's house to tell them about the new job I'm getting at work and mom fed me kebabs. Tuesday I ended up eating at a friend's house because she was making a necklace for me and if you're there at dinner time she's going to feed you. Yesterday I ate a couple ginger snaps when I got home from the doctor at 8p as I was heading to bed. Tonight I stopped by mom and dad's again and mom fed me some of the pork roast they'd been eating.

Normally I'm not everywhere else, this has been an odd week for me. I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow night yet. It could be cereal and yougert or it could be perogies. But I think those are my two large choices right now unless I go shopping between now and then.

[jss]

I've considered leaving Technology for Food Service, but the FS jobs I'd want are all the "after many years of hard work" types, and right now I'm not willing to put in that kind of hard (and low-paying) work to become qualified for those jobs. I could start a catering business, but I don't really want the headaches of owning a business (especially nowadays, when the economy is craptastic). It's a shame I can't suddenly (and without any warning) become the executive chef at a 4- or 5-star restaurant, for example. :-)

Friday's dinner, for the record and lest people think I'm entirely a food snob, was a can of Chef Boyardee beef ravioli, topped with grated-in-a-can Parmesan and Romano cheeses and some packaged shredded mozarella.

[que-sara-sara.livejournal.com]

Gee, Friday's dinner was some of mom's leftover pork roast because the pizza she and dad were having was turning my stomach. I completely missed eating dinner on Saturday and Sunday because I was distracted. But I did get myself some sushi for lunch yesterday, and that was a really good thing™.

I understand the thought of not wanting to start over in a new line of work, I wouldn't want to now either and I'm not hardly out of entry level positions. However, the new job I'm going to be doing is so much more complicated than anything I've ever done before I'm not completely sure how it could be considered "entry level". I guess I'll just be happy that I've managed to get myself into a more techonologcal job without actually having to enter the IT world proper.

[cwsensation.livejournal.com]

My best one today had a subject line that said, quite simply:

"Cry."

It was a spam ad for (what else) Cialis Soft Tabs. Yes, I'd imagine I would be crying if I had to go there, too.

And I again ask...why call erectile dysfunction ads "Soft" anything??

--Jer

Spam from "Jeremy Jeshika"

[annearchy.livejournal.com]

God be with you!

[E]rectile
[D]ysfunction?

We can help! Our site: ochhorfando[dot]com ;) Don't forget to replace "[dot]" to "."

---
trifling matters, Sergey Ivanovitch found in her all that he wanted in his wife: she was poor and alone in the world, so she would not bring with her a mass of relations and their influence into her husband's house, as he saw now in Kitty's case. She would owe everything to her husband, which was what he had always desired too for his future family life. And this girl, who united all these qualities, loved him. He was a modest man, but he could not help seeing it. And he loved her. There was one consideration against it--his age. But he came of a long-lived family, he had not a single gray hair, no one would have taken him for forty, and he remembered Varenka's saying that it was only in Russia that men of fifty thought themselves old, and that in France a man of fifty considers himself _dans la force de l'?ge_, while a man of forty is _un jeune homme_. But what did


Honest to God.

[morpheus0013.livejournal.com]

Well...time to fire up the ol' Yahoo e-mail...

Subject line: Be The Next Of Kin

*blinks* Look, either you are or you aren't.

[nomaddervish.livejournal.com]

Not entirely true. If you aren't the next of kin, you can change that, provided you have the means and inclination to... remove... those who are more closely-related than yourself.

[morpheus0013.livejournal.com]

Technically, true. More effort than I'm willing to go about, and I rent, so harder to hide the bodies.

However, not so much true about a Nigerian family killed in a car wreck, or whatever the hell the rest of the e-mail was about.

[ericcoleman]

Please her the walyl she deslerves

And as usual, my Paypal account has been violated. Oddly enough though, I never get those emails at the email address that is actually connected to my Paypal account.

[tigertoy.livejournal.com]

There is no such thing as good spam. When you ask that question, you encourage people to read the crap in their spam folder. By making it funny, you blunt the outrage we all should be feeling every day that a bunch of parasites that make me appreciate the finer qualities of ticks are on the verge of ruining the most socially useful part of the whole damn Internet.

[tandw.livejournal.com]

For a while, spouse was getting junk emails (caught by the ISP spam trap, so I only saw them when cleaning the junk box) whose subject headers were long quotes from Cryptonomicon. I didn't open any of them, but that was weird.

[ddrussianinja.livejournal.com]

"Breaking News: Ephedra is legal again!"

[partiallyclips.livejournal.com]

I decided to do a guest strip over at Spamusement (as anyone can). The subject line I chose was:

"Why does your brother pay more"

[ericcoleman]

Perlform Sex llike a clhamp

I suppose I find this funny because at first look I read Perform Sex Like A Chimp

[dbcooper.livejournal.com]

If one did perform sex like a chimp, the spam would be titled Done in 60 Seconds. :D